Saturday, April 18, 2015

Day 12:Requiem

Today... today was alltogether a blessing.

I slept in, but didn't oversleep and woke up rested. I had time to chill when I got up and watch Greys... If you are watching it, please PM me so we can vent together.... BUHHHH!!! Shonda Rhimes what are you doing to us???? The show is over in 4 weeks! I can't say I am surprised thought...

Then, I got to go to a childhood friend's bridal shower, who I was able to reconnect with over a year ago because she and her sister were the ones who invited me to Mosaic! :) Funny how life comes full circle sometimes. It was a fun time of good food, good friends, and new people.

Afterwards, I was invited to come to DC to see a friend perform Brahm's Requiem. Didn't know much about the piece, but it was a 200 piece choir plus the Annapolis Symphony Orchestra, which said friend plays clarinet for. The concert was at the National Presbyterian Church. I got there super early, so I drove around and took a peek at American University's campus, which is right there. What a BEAUTIFUL campus! I kinda wish I considered that for undergrad. Not that I regret UMBC... I don't at all... I love my UMBC... but I had no idea that was all there... After I took in some of the beautiful spring scenery(no I didn't see THE cherryblossoms, but I did see some  cherryblossoms and other beautiful spring flowers and trees around), I headed back and decided to see if the doors to the church were open.

This event was FREE.... um... whhhhhhatttt???? Free... I walked in, people were so nice and showed me the way to the sanctuary. It was STUNNING... Stained glass like I have NEVER seen in the states. I could not have picked a better setting for this piece... That and the acoustics... wow... incredible.You would never need a microphone in that place.

As I waited, I chatted with an older man and his wife, who just happened to find out about the concert and came for fun. A harpist and oboeist were warming up, and I said, "Man... I love a good oboe..." and the older man argued that it was a clarinet. I disagreed and explained the sound is different and the structure of the instrument is different. He then pointed and said he thought THAT was an oboe... I explained that he was pointing to a bassoon... another of my favorites. I think if I could do it all again, I would pick the bassoon or the french horn as my instrument of choice... we then discussed the differece between a glockenspiel and xylophone and I gave him a lesson on different keyboard instruments... it was actually a lot of fun for me.

Then the concert began. This concert was more of a blessing than I could have ever anticipated. My friend told me right before that music like this feeds the soul.... oh boy did it ever. My body got no rest today, but my soul feels so rested and full... this is what happened...

So Brahm's requiem is different from others,as it focuses on those who are still living versus those who have left us. Now, as you may, or most of you may not know, April is a hard month for me. It just is. Between the stress of school, and the feelings April brings, it is incredibly overwhelming. Through the week, I was reminded that last week was the anniversary of the passing of a friend, and the next two weeks hold two separate anniversaries of friends who have died. One completely unexpectedly, one had cancer but went fast and far too soon, and one who was a patient of mine, who I actually prayed by the end for Jesus to take her, because I wanted her suffering to be over... for their stories, check out this blog post from a while back.... Remembering

Entering the piece with this on my mind was actually pretty powerful. I was actually able to think a lot about my experiences and naviate through them by way of the music. Had I had the whole room to myself, which would have been incredible, but totally impossible, I would have let the music sweep over me and let my emotions captivate me and let me sob, remembering those who have left me bein, but also laugh as I think of the amazing joys the piece brings to mind.

As an incredibly creative-minded person, with music being one of my main centers of creativity, I also just let my mind wander. My mind NEVER EVER stops... Never... when i go to bed, I am always thinking through some scenario from my day, a list of things to do, something I don't want to forget, and then when I finally fall asleep, my mind creates these obscure and bizarre dreams. I do not exaggerate when I say the moment I fall asleep, I begin to dream... it is very true... its all my mind. So, I allowed my music to captivate me and allowed my mind to play with the music. At first, (I wish I could show you the movie in my mind because it is beautiful and pairs the music with my picture) I imagined a beautiful woman, who had lost someone, dressed in a beautiful flowing white dress. She danced as if her soul had been torn from her, but as the music progresses, she finds peace. Later, she suddenly became the person who was dying in my little mind movie. It was beautifully gut-wrenching and devastating. She didn't look like she was dying, but she struggled... think of it as if this woman was a dancer doing a piece... thats how I see her in my mind...

Anyway... with this going on in my mind, along with thinking of my dear ones I have lost in April over the years, I shed a few tears during the dark, deep, mournful sounds of the beginning of the Requiem, but the words of the music turn to thinking of how free and happy those who have died are dancing in heaven. Now, this poses a complex conundrum for me, as I have no idea of the 3 if 2 of the 3 were believers... if they weren't, they wouldnt be dancing happily in heaven, but for the purposes of the piece, i focused on the joy, not the fear and sadness.

It was a beautiful way to spend my evening. Truly, stunning. I have missed hearing classical music in my life eversince I left band.... I hated my band teacher, but loved being a part of somethign so much bigger than myself. My little part made a big difference in the cocophany of sound. I also miss singing in a choir a ton. But, this filled my heart to the brim and helped my mind sort some things out and cope with the time of the year a bit.

On the way home, I grabbed pizza at a little place my friend recommended(banging pizza!!!), then reflected on the piece the whole drive home.... which was long, beccause i got lost and my phone was dead... but i didn't mind... more time to think of those dear friends I lost, their legacy, how I remember them and how that has helped shape me into who I am. <3

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