Day 18:Bounty

Today was a day where I had to convince myself to not panic, breathe, and repeat. I had a full class today and one of the kids has never had me without my head teacher before. She is one of our youngest, but truly needs the firmness my head teacher provides that simply is not in my teaching style. Today I had to pretend it was because I was hit, kicked and spat on enough that I was at my wits end. That and the other kids were also going through this- not just me, so we all needed me to be firmer than normal. 

At lunch, I almost got into a pretty nasty car accident, but thankfully saw the car coming who would've plowed me...they were at fault btw. At that moment, I had it. I burst into tears. I am not a tearful person generally, but when I am stressed, I can end up that way in seconds depending on the situation... This was one of them. 

I gathered myself, got a powerful coffee, got work done, geared up for the afternoon and did well for about an hour then hit a wall and there was no saving it... 

Despite the chaos, panic, frustration, anger, pain, and tears of the day... There is a blessing:)

When I was getting my things together this morning, this is what I saw...

My little corner of the fridge- bare...old Hummus and brown rice were the knly companions. I knew what was coming later in the day... Friday is grocery day. I never have time Saturday and Sunday would be too stressful and it is my rest day, so Friday on my way home from work, I go to Aldi. This week I also went to get more coffee to fuel the studying I needed to do, which thankfully worked. 

I got this stash...for...wait for it...

$14!!!! Fruit, veggies, eggs, milk, and yogurt for the week- my staples. I have frozen curry and stir fry so no need for other food. Perfection. I felt blessed to have 1)access to foods at all. Food that is good for me and fuels me. Food that is safe, clean and won't kill me if I pick the wrong one. 2)access to affordable food. For so long I assumed if I want to eat well, I must pay an arm and a leg. While I am learning I do need to buy some foods organic, I am learning which I do not need to and am able to work with it. 

Thankful is what I am. I never waste my food because I have seen too many who have no food. I challenge you to ponder that thought and ship mindfully. 

Day 17:Music

I feel like this is a cop-out, but truly, I have no more to say than this.... I am at the bottom of my barrel today. I am the head teacher until next Tuesday, I have 4 HUGE projects due in the next 2 weeks, along with 4 papers I've pushed off, which is my fault and I am drowning.

Without the soundtracks that have helped keep my head above water and God... I would have crumbled and given up by now. Praying and listening my way through the next 2 weeks and praying harder than ever I get offered this great opportunity to serve my department so that I can ease up on the work and focus more on school.

I feel like I am drowning, but thankful for my life vest and anchor at times like these. Prayers and encouragement appreciated. Caffeine too if you have any.

Day 16: Jello Arms and Libraries

Honestly, as if this semester hasn't been hard enough- working 27 hours at my job and an extra 5-10 elsewhere plus schoolwork, this last day has chewed me up and spat me out. I literally had to sit and write each detail I need to complete before the end of the semester in 3 weeks. I also keep missing a week and saying its 2 weeks and earlier in the week I kept saying 4...3 weeks... I can do it!!

I feel extra crazy, but trying to keep my priorities straight and focus! This girl is a creative thinker, which means if you give me an assignment, I run hard and fast the other way until I have no choice but to do it. I am also an overachiever, so my work must be done well... Quite the match, but works for me, though it can be quite stressful.

Amidst the chaos, there are blessings. I am so thankful today for my yoga buddy who keeps me accountable and gets me to commit bi-weekly to yoga, even when my arms feel like they are jello. 

The biggest blessing today is the library. There is an incredible library about a mile from my job. It is one of the best in the state and it is incredible, with phenomenal staff. They helped me get an Educator card today, troubleshoot some issues, and check out my 40+ items. Without a library so close to work, I would lose my mind! I go at least twice a week, if not 3-5. I rely on it for my Literature assignments and they make it so easy! 

Check out my stack today...

I have two big bags of books in my room too:) so thankful for access to books that is so reliable, friendly and awesome!!!! Makes reading fun for me!!

Day 15: Walks and Curry

I don't have much to say except for my blessings, so I'll cut to the chase.

Today, I decided to walk to school for the first time.. well the first time that I actually had class. I got home from babysitting in a tizzy, as I had 5 minutes to get lunch and snacks packed- something I had wanted to do in the morning but felt those extra 10 minutes of sleep were more important. So, I was running around and took about 10-15 minutes to actually complete these tasks. I ran out the door and walked with purpose. The trip there was a bit of a trek. I walked and for some reason chose to cut straight through campus, which means ALL UPHILL... what was I thinking? I do not know. All I do know is that my quads and calves were SCREAMING when I get to class. I got a few 'wow... what is wrong' stares, but then explained that I had just walked from home and picked the wrong route. Now I know.

Alas, sometimes we learn only the hard way. I made it in the nick of time despite thinking I would surely be late. After a day full of presentations and an awesome speaker who spoke to us about Rachel Carson's legacy and those who followed, who I'd never heard of until last week and is my latest fascination, I took the trek back home. However, when a trip is all uphill one way, what is the way back? All downhill.

On my way home, I took a deep breath and listened to this awesome app that I love that reads the bible to you daily(the Daily Audio Bible) and it was an awesome way to round out the day of learning. That and a plate of organic fruits and veggies, as Rachel Carson was all about pesticide-free foods. I was in my happy place.

Why was I walking at all... well, recently, I remembered a post I wrote so long ago that I stumbled upon recently...  Called The Good Life . It is from when I was on the ship and didn't have many of the freedoms I was used to at home, but suddenly had again when I was in Tenerife. One of which was walking alone with no fear. At the end of the post, I urge myself to walk as much as I can at home, since I have two perfectly good legs that can get me places.... therefore, I have no reason NOT to walk. Sure, I can make excuses, but I used to miss this freedom, and I have it again. I may not have it in the future, so I need to take advantage.

As I got home, I had plans to make dinner. It was almost 6:30 by this point, making this dinner in my mind around 8pm, but I was okay with that... I love to cook. So, I pulled out all of the ingredients I thought of on my walk home an started whipping up my new favorite to cook- Curry. I never touched curry until about a month ago, as it scared me. But then, a roommate explained the process, and I realize really it's not that difficult. I made a small batch, and it was amazing. So, tonight I made a massssssive batch. I am so excited. I love curry, and this one is super duper delicious and I certainly have enough for a while!! That's another thing I missed while I was away... cooking.

The Ingredients(some of them)

Simmering away

My hands aren't used to this kind of chopping anymore!! Got to get those callouses back!

The final product

So, I sit here contemplating my day, which was exhausting and I am struggling to lift my arms today due to our fierce workout last night, but there are still great blessings, even when I am not in the best of spirits. Thank you God for that! 

Day 14:thunderstorms and chats

It was a much unwanted re-entry back into  'the grind' today, much to my dismay after a great weekend. Went to bed far too late, slept poorly, had one of my infamous tornado dreams, which are always incredibly realistic, got up late, got to work late... The usual. 

Thankfully the kids made me giggle lots this morning to cheer up this Monday and the weather cleared up enough for us to go outside:) It was HOT this morning, but I'll take that over cold any day. 

After a very sluggish morning, I got my normal afternoon coffee which jolted me awake and set me up for the afternoon ahead. I had a toddler crying for over an hour- I think she is getting sick, while another brought mulch in from outside and scattered it around the classroom,  while parents arrived to get their little ones. It was one of THOSE days. 

Thankfully some sweet moments with another little one after everyone left and then the events after made up for the rough patches of the day. 

We had our normal crossfit, but it was a bit amped up, as our fearless leaders wanted a good challenge too... I could hardly support any weight with my arms after... But I sat down and looked out the door and saw one of my favorite things...- thunderstorm rolling in.  

If you know me, you may know I have a HUGE fear of tornadoes. However, this fear has turned me into a storm lover, as it forced me to get to know what makes a storm that can form a tornado versus one that will not.  Living in Africa, I have seen many a storm with never a threat of tornado, as the conditions are not favorable there for tornadoes. Man were they beautiful. The storm tonight let me sit for a brief moment and breathe and take in the beauty.

Afterwards, I went home, showered- booooy did we SWEAT tonight!!! Then I made a late dinner and did some school work. Not long after, roommates rolled in. Which leads me to blessing 2:)

I have no idea if she will ever see this, but I have an amazing roommate, Megan, who is an incredible listener. If you know me at all, you know I am a talker. I have a plethora of stories to tell, I love to share them, I am very animated and can talk for hours if you let me. I also love people , so if given the choice of talking versus homework.... People trump all always. 

Also, when I am tired. I ramble. I have become increasingly aware of this since moving in with these lovely ladies, as I do this often. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, patient roommate who takes interest in my life, my interests, and my ramblings. I never feel like a burden, even when I have talked forever:) thanks Megan!!!!

Goodnight world! I shall be sore tomorrow, but it bout pain, you cannot get stronger! 

Day 13: Zoo, Kenya, and Concert

Today was not originally planned as super eventful, but it became so, and I have to say, I would have not had it any other way.

I got up, much to my dismay, because there was much to be done, but more importantly, I wanted to get my tail to church. I had an added incentive, as I had a friend meeting me and we had plans to grab coffee or do something afterwards. This 'something afterwards' turned into taking her amazingly sweet 5 year old to the zoo, which was an incredibly awesome, unexpected surprise to my day. So much fun to spend time with these awesome new friends of mine and just enjoy the beautiful day.

Afterwards, I got back to the church just in time to meet with my awesome Kenya team. We had fun chatting our way through ice breakers and getting to know more about the trip. The closer we come, the more excited I get. Tomorrow I get my current totals, so I will be sure to keep you all up-to-date on those. The ACTUAL deadline for money for plane fare is May 2nd. We were told today in order to get our tails in high-gear, which worked. Also we are estimating that fee to be $1600, not $1900, as originally planned, which is a relief. But, with the funds I have already, this means that I still have a good $500 to go... Praying tomorrow I wake up to find that number gone and the relief of funds there.

After our meeting, I went to Starbucks to hash out some homework. I was super duper unfocused, but thanks to my coffee and my old faithful soundtrack which always gets me focused- the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack a friend from the ship got me into.... do NOT judge- GO LISTEN... It is stunning... beautiful orchestrations with AMAZING percussion lines and horn work!!!! It always gets me focused. It is actually what I have playing now, as I finish my homework and get ready to turn in for the night.

After my homework session, which ended up being successful for the hour I focused out of 2, I went to a concert with my dad. We saw Mike Roe and The Choir. Not Mike Roe from Dirty Jobs- Mike Roe from The Lost Dogs!!!! I knew him LONG before Mike Roe from Dirty Jobs was remotely famous:) Check him out!!! We saw them at GenXaret, which was awesome. A really cool atmosphere- chill ambiance and a fun time. They ended on a bit of a somber note, but that's okay... every now and then we all need that.

Afterwards, on my drive home, I reflected a bit on my day and realized something. God is so so so so so so faithful to me. He saw my needs this week before I even realized I had them. I had this hole in my life before this semester of needing some solid awesome people to be friends with, and guess what? He's slowly, but surely filling that hole. I didn't realize how lonely I had been, since I have been entirely too busy to notice, but he's slipped people into my life to be there with me- to do awesomely unexpected and fun things with, to chat with, to go across the world with, to challenge me physically and emotionally,and to do life with. Amazing. He knew just what I needed this weekend, and for that I am so grateful.

I am SO bummed the weekend is over, but I go to bed with a smile on my face and a full soul, knowing it was an amazing weekend full of joy, a few tears, lots of laughter, and reflection. 

Day 12:Requiem

Today... today was alltogether a blessing.

I slept in, but didn't oversleep and woke up rested. I had time to chill when I got up and watch Greys... If you are watching it, please PM me so we can vent together.... BUHHHH!!! Shonda Rhimes what are you doing to us???? The show is over in 4 weeks! I can't say I am surprised thought...

Then, I got to go to a childhood friend's bridal shower, who I was able to reconnect with over a year ago because she and her sister were the ones who invited me to Mosaic! :) Funny how life comes full circle sometimes. It was a fun time of good food, good friends, and new people.

Afterwards, I was invited to come to DC to see a friend perform Brahm's Requiem. Didn't know much about the piece, but it was a 200 piece choir plus the Annapolis Symphony Orchestra, which said friend plays clarinet for. The concert was at the National Presbyterian Church. I got there super early, so I drove around and took a peek at American University's campus, which is right there. What a BEAUTIFUL campus! I kinda wish I considered that for undergrad. Not that I regret UMBC... I don't at all... I love my UMBC... but I had no idea that was all there... After I took in some of the beautiful spring scenery(no I didn't see THE cherryblossoms, but I did see some  cherryblossoms and other beautiful spring flowers and trees around), I headed back and decided to see if the doors to the church were open.

This event was FREE.... um... whhhhhhatttt???? Free... I walked in, people were so nice and showed me the way to the sanctuary. It was STUNNING... Stained glass like I have NEVER seen in the states. I could not have picked a better setting for this piece... That and the acoustics... wow... incredible.You would never need a microphone in that place.

As I waited, I chatted with an older man and his wife, who just happened to find out about the concert and came for fun. A harpist and oboeist were warming up, and I said, "Man... I love a good oboe..." and the older man argued that it was a clarinet. I disagreed and explained the sound is different and the structure of the instrument is different. He then pointed and said he thought THAT was an oboe... I explained that he was pointing to a bassoon... another of my favorites. I think if I could do it all again, I would pick the bassoon or the french horn as my instrument of choice... we then discussed the differece between a glockenspiel and xylophone and I gave him a lesson on different keyboard instruments... it was actually a lot of fun for me.

Then the concert began. This concert was more of a blessing than I could have ever anticipated. My friend told me right before that music like this feeds the soul.... oh boy did it ever. My body got no rest today, but my soul feels so rested and full... this is what happened...

So Brahm's requiem is different from others,as it focuses on those who are still living versus those who have left us. Now, as you may, or most of you may not know, April is a hard month for me. It just is. Between the stress of school, and the feelings April brings, it is incredibly overwhelming. Through the week, I was reminded that last week was the anniversary of the passing of a friend, and the next two weeks hold two separate anniversaries of friends who have died. One completely unexpectedly, one had cancer but went fast and far too soon, and one who was a patient of mine, who I actually prayed by the end for Jesus to take her, because I wanted her suffering to be over... for their stories, check out this blog post from a while back.... Remembering. 

Entering the piece with this on my mind was actually pretty powerful. I was actually able to think a lot about my experiences and naviate through them by way of the music. Had I had the whole room to myself, which would have been incredible, but totally impossible, I would have let the music sweep over me and let my emotions captivate me and let me sob, remembering those who have left me bein, but also laugh as I think of the amazing joys the piece brings to mind.

As an incredibly creative-minded person, with music being one of my main centers of creativity, I also just let my mind wander. My mind NEVER EVER stops... Never... when i go to bed, I am always thinking through some scenario from my day, a list of things to do, something I don't want to forget, and then when I finally fall asleep, my mind creates these obscure and bizarre dreams. I do not exaggerate when I say the moment I fall asleep, I begin to dream... it is very true... its all my mind. So, I allowed my music to captivate me and allowed my mind to play with the music. At first, (I wish I could show you the movie in my mind because it is beautiful and pairs the music with my picture) I imagined a beautiful woman, who had lost someone, dressed in a beautiful flowing white dress. She danced as if her soul had been torn from her, but as the music progresses, she finds peace. Later, she suddenly became the person who was dying in my little mind movie. It was beautifully gut-wrenching and devastating. She didn't look like she was dying, but she struggled... think of it as if this woman was a dancer doing a piece... thats how I see her in my mind...

Anyway... with this going on in my mind, along with thinking of my dear ones I have lost in April over the years, I shed a few tears during the dark, deep, mournful sounds of the beginning of the Requiem, but the words of the music turn to thinking of how free and happy those who have died are dancing in heaven. Now, this poses a complex conundrum for me, as I have no idea of the 3 if 2 of the 3 were believers... if they weren't, they wouldnt be dancing happily in heaven, but for the purposes of the piece, i focused on the joy, not the fear and sadness.

It was a beautiful way to spend my evening. Truly, stunning. I have missed hearing classical music in my life eversince I left band.... I hated my band teacher, but loved being a part of somethign so much bigger than myself. My little part made a big difference in the cocophany of sound. I also miss singing in a choir a ton. But, this filled my heart to the brim and helped my mind sort some things out and cope with the time of the year a bit.

On the way home, I grabbed pizza at a little place my friend recommended(banging pizza!!!), then reflected on the piece the whole drive home.... which was long, beccause i got lost and my phone was dead... but i didn't mind... more time to think of those dear friends I lost, their legacy, how I remember them and how that has helped shape me into who I am. <3