Sunday, April 7, 2013

I'm going home

I am entering my final few weeks here on board... how nuts is THAT??? As part of processing, I've been trying to think more about the things I really look forward to and not so much on the things I'm leaving behind. Honestly, leaving is going to SUCK... this place has become my home and the people have become my family. I've got tons of brothers and sisters and nieces(not so many nephews- especially since I have 2 special boys waiting for me back at home). These people have seen me through my roughest days and my best days- some have gone some have come, some have been here the whole time. Either way, it's going to be hard. One of 'my families' came only a little over a year ago, yet somehow I don't remember what it was like here without them... funny how that happens. Someone enters your life that you think 'oh... well.. you got here over 1/2 way through my trip', yet they seem to make their way into your heart and totally change everything about your experience.

I thought I'd share a list of things I look forward to the most about home. Ship life, honestly, is brutal. We are so institutionalized. And, honestly, I never really got OUT of the routine of being institutionalized... I came a few months after I got out of college, where meal times at least were dictated by the dining room and commons.  So, it's only just started waring on me.  But, here, we are in a fishbowl. Nothing goes unnoticed, but sometimes the things you WANT to go unnoticed are pointed out. We're in a pressure cooker, so relationships build much faster, yet they can also go wrong a lot faster and you have to be able to work through those difference, or else you're setting yourself up for a disaster. I have friends on board who have only been here a year, but we're at a level that took YEARS for me to get to with friends back home... I wouldn't trade either groups of friends for the world:) 

Anyway- I'm rambling... let's get on with it;)

You may or may not know that while I've been on board I've lived in a 300 square ft(MAX) cabin with only 1/3 of that for me and my bunkmate to split... so really 50 square feet for me. I've had over 12 bunkmates come and go during my time and over 20 roommates have come and gone- some still on board but moved to the oh so coveted 3 berth(where you have your OWN 100 sq feet or have gotten married. Living in such unstable circumstances for YEARS is totally not favorable. Normally, 4 berths(4 people to a cabin) are reserved only for long-term crew, however I've drawn the short straw and seen the brutal side of things.

2) clothes that FIT
A common trend for women on the ship is gaining a pair of mercy HIPS while on board as there is tons of access to goodies and chocolate. I, on the other hand have slimmed down. I've found the veggie and fruit options to be great here in guinea and because of it I've been working on my health as a whole. I've slimmed down and honestly could easily for a small child in my clothes with me... I'm drowwwwning and while its nice to have evidence I am getting thinner, it is crazy frustrating to have nothing that fits me properly!!!

3) Choices
Honestly the prospect of having choices again terrifies me... The choice of which FLAVOR yogurt freaked me out terribly last time, sink know having choices of which brand do I want of this or that or which flavor Ice cream and with what toppings. White rice or fried rice, how do I want my steak cooked, options of sizes of shrimp... Going to freak me out after having between 1 and 3 choices at most for anything. However, I am SO excited to choose when I eat, where I eat, with whom I eat, WHAT I eat... Choices that have not been mine for over 2 years!!! I get to choose to DRIVE or walk(hopefully soon bike if I can get one), I can COOK and have ALL of my ingredients in one store or at home instead of begging someone on the shop to let me have this or that ingredient or go to the market for it... So excited to choose to be with people or alone... Loud or quiet.:)

Ill leave it at that for now because I could go on and on, but you get the picture. I am glad that it has been made clear this season is ending for me. I will not miss the ship and being institutionalized, but I certainly WILL miss the people I love here TERRIBLY.

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