Thursday, February 14, 2013

Blessing number 2: Honesty

Really the only thing that comes to mind right off the bat without any force today is simply- honesty.

I've been dealing with lots of different trials lately related to all aspects of life. During it, I've really had a hard time... trying to figure out why those things have been happening to me, going to friends moaning and groaning all about my problems and seeking counsel from THEM.

Here's where the honesty part comes... I had been struggling with a situation and I had prayed and prayed and prayed about it and thought it was going to end up just the way I had hoped- a few nice words, a hug and we'd be back on track. What happened in real life however, was much more startling. My friend was honest... BRUTALLY honest with me... All of my hopes of a great conversation dashed and I cried for literally 1/2 of the conversation. Anyone who knows me knows that's  a big deal- unless watching a movie, I don't cry for ANYTHING unless it's serious...

You may be asking yourselves, ' then how was that a blessing....'. Whenever people are honest with me, I take a punch, but I come back stronger. Sometimes I have to take multiple punches to the same area of my life before I decide to come back and fight stronger- this certain situation was one of those moments... a life-long battle I've had within me was being addressed right to my face, but my friend, my dear friend was HONEST with me.

I'll admit, after the conversation, I was struggling... I cried for at least an hour, I prayed, I got angry, I stomped on the floor... But then I realized, 'Michelle... this is your chance for change... do it'. God's so good, right? I ended up resting in him for a while and listening.... I started realizing this was not going to end me, I didn't need to run and tell anyone about it- it was for me and him and my friend to have- nobody else and it was going to be a hard adjustment, but a change is in progress for the better because that friend was hoest with me... and God had wrapped his huge arms around me and gave me peace and comfort by the end of the day that surpasses anything any human could've given me.

Honesty has always been reallllly hard for me to swallow.... it's like putting the worst medicine in my mouth and forcing me to swallow- reminds me of a story actually...

When was little, I had to be on an antibiotic for something or other- I was always taking something between my ears, my lungs and the rest of me. But this time I was really little... Normally I had some Hawiian Punch(anyone else miss that stuff?) to mask the taste and I could pretty much get it down, but we had run out...My mom and dad had the plan down.. one at my head to hold my head still and restrain me, one at the feet. They tried and tried and wasted I don't even know how much medicine on me spitting it out. There's the method of holding the mouth and nose shut, which I'm pretty sure is what happened during this, but I REFUSED to swallow the stuff- it tasted like poison... so I threw up all over the place...after that moment, my mom told the doctors I was allergic to it- not because I was, but because we didn't want to go through that again... we claimed this for quite some time:)

That's how hard honesty can be for me to swallow.

However, honesty has always been the one thing to bring a relationship closer and more true. the only way I've been able to stay friends with certain people in my life is their brutal honesty and their willingness to do so- and recieve it as well. There's a huge difference between being brutally honest and giving truth with love though.... when truth is given in love for the other person, good always comes from it. Sometimes it SUCKS to hear that certain aspects of your personality make people want to not be around you, or you are too much this or that when all you're trying to be is yourself... but... God really works through those honest moments.

For the record- things were miscommunicated a little in that conversation between us, but the after-effect is still tough to take... but God's teaching me- 'don't put all your eggs in a basket and really you should come to me first, not them anyway- they are imperfect humans....they will let you down'... you'd think I'd know this by now... time after time is happens, but hey- God loves to use these moments and turn them into BLESSINGS... though they may be in disguise for a little while;) 

I'll end with a quote...

" He is the same yesterday, today and forever, and his unchanging and unfailing love stustains me when nothing and no one else can." -Bill Bright

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