Check it out

For those following, I've updated my fundraising site with a story and all. Check it out!:)
http://mercyships-us.donorpages.com/crewmates/cristionm/

You Know Me

I wanted to post, but have so much I want to say. So, I thought I'd keep it brief and simple tonight. This song has been my theme the last few weeks. It's hit deep down in the depths of my struggles as of lately, which have been extensive, grueling, and extremely difficult. But, despite it all, my God is with me every step of the way and at the end, I will come out a much stronger and more Christ-like woman. Thank God for that.


I first heard this song while sitting on deck during the sail, grappling with God about a bunch of things, and this was his song- just for me.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcoKuwtlSgI
You Know Me
By Bethel  Featuring Stephanie Frizzel
You have been
And You will be
You have seen
And You will see

You know when I rise and when I fall
When I come or go, You see it all
You hung the stars and You move the sea,
And still You know me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, You know me
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

You have been
And You will be
And You have seen
And You will see

You know when I rise and when I fall
When I come or go, You see it all
You hung the stars and You move the sea,
And still You know me

Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, You know me
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

And nothing is hidden from Your sight
Wherever I go, You find me
And You know every detail of my life
And You are God and You don't miss a thing

And nothing is hidden from Your sight
Wherever I go, You find me
And You know every detail of my life
And You are God and You don't miss a thing

Shalom!

I have been getting a LOT of Israel questions- it's about stinkin' time I tell you about it, huh?

:)

Sorry for the delay in this. To be quite honest, Satan has really been working to get me down lately, and has unfortunately succeeded on many levels. The arrows started flying in Israel, but I was able to ward most of them off because I had a pretty great support system there. I wasn't quite so upfront about my issues there, but I had a friend who was extremely intuitive and really spoke into things in my life without knowing they were issues... and the first time we met was on the trip. That really helped me, but coming back to the ship was a shock to the system. Everything in my life has been changing quickly and Satan has been firing some fierce rounds of arrows at me, and quite a few have driven extremely deep. Thankfully, I have some awesome friends and support around me... even if they are thousands of miles away...Thank God for phones:) A few people really spoke into the situations I was experiencing, and I'm still not 100%, but I'm sure in a better place than I was 2 days ago. Thanks to anyone who was praying for me- and please keep the prayers coming. I think I ticked Satan off by going to Israel, but I don't regret it one bit.

So... let's start from the top...

I went to Israel for 2 weeks through a school called JUC(Jerusalem University College), which is an american-based christian college that is found on today's Mount Zion. It is literally JUST outside the old city walls and about a 5 minute walk from Zion Gate and about 7 minutes from Jaffa Gate. I don't think I could've picked a better location. The school itself is a piece of art- gardens filled with pomegranate trees and grape vines... totally incredible. The only thing someone could've had against it was the lack of AC, but I was used to a cabin that hit about 95 degrees F at night, so this was a nice change for me- windows open and a fan going we were set.

After my crazy adventures in Madrid, I got to the campus just about dead- starving, hungry and exhausted. Dead may be an exaggeration, but I sure didn't feel like it was at that moment. I passed out for 3 hours, then had a MASSIVE lunch, then we were off. We went exploring the Old city, went to the wailing wall, and just got a feel for it. I'm so glad I did, otherwise I would've slept all day and been miserable. This was a perfect precursor for the trip. Thankfully one of our group had been to Israel many times before and was our tour guide for the afternoon.

Now, I was invited to go along by a woman who works on board, Susan, who has been multiple times with this school along with her daughter, Carys. Our 'Mercy Ships' group consisted of 13 of us- 8 current crew- all long term, 3 who are alumni, and 2 who come back on a yearly basis, though are not currently on board. We had 2 mother-daughter-duos, a married couple, and the rest of us are singles.It was truly a really great group... all ages, backgrounds, from the US, the DR, South Africa, Switzerland... super great. THEN, we met up with about 35 others, who were from Northwestern University, Crown College and a group with Campus Ministries.  I didn't get to know those people all that well, but the relationships I did make on that trip were pretty incredible and a lot of fun:)

For the 2 weeks, I was totally blessed to live with a mother-daughter from South Africa, Leanne and Jordy. They were just so sweet and caring and really took time to get to know me and we had some pretty great conversations... the trip wouldn'tve been as great as it was had it not been for them... I didn't know them before the trip, but I definitely think I'll see them again one day.... totally awesome:)

Now for the places... oh man.. you ready for this???? I'll list off the places we visited. If you want to know more about any of them- inquire- I'll answer, maybe even write a blog about it;) I just dont know what you are interested in hearing about...

Day 1: The Old City- Visited most of the gates, The Upper Room, Wohl Museum, Pools of Bethesda, Church of St. Anne, Muslim Cemetary, Overlook of the Mt. of Olives, Via Dolorosa, Church of the Holy Seplechure, then late in the night we went to the Western Wall Tunnels(EPIC!!)

Day 2:  Parables taught by Rabbi Mosche, The Good Samaratin Inn and we hiked in Setaph(Loveddd that)

Day 3: The Temple Mount and a free afternoon(we went to the Holocaust Museum)

Day 4: Qumran, Cave #11, Masada, En Gedi(swam in a fresh water spring), Old Synagogue, Dead Sea and the Negev Desert(the Wilderness)

Day 5: Mount of Olives, Dominus Flavit, Gethsemane, Garden Tomb, Israel Museum(didn't like that one at ALL), Herodium(awessome), a threshing floor, Bethlehem, Hill of Evil Council(view of Jerusalem from the South)

Day 6: Day off(well, 1/2 day off..)!!!! Went to the mall- Mamilla, where we had lunch, then I shopped around a while, then a lecture by Gabi Barclay... went RIGHT over my head...

Day 7: Trip to Galilee: Nazareth(the Leaping Hill), Sepphoris, Jotapata(love that word), Church of the Annunciation(MY FAVORITE CHURCH BY A LONNNG SHOT), and to get there, we traveled through the Sharon Valley, Jezreel Vally, saw Mt. Tabor and a tonnn of other awesome things.First time in the Sea of Galilee, stayed at En Gev

Day 8: Gamla, Quazrin, Har Bental, Cesarea Phillipi, where we got to go on an INCREDIBLE nature hike and see Herod Agrippa II's palace, finished off by Omrit.... some more swimming in the sea and stayed at En Gev

Day 9 : Boat ride, Boat Museum, Church of the Primacy, Tabgah, Mt. of Beatitudes, Chorazim, Capernaum, Bethsaida, more swimming- last night at En Gev, then the event I call the Parable of the Lost Ring.... I'll write that story for you some day;)

Day 10: Trip back to Jerusalem, which included: Kursi, Jordan River sighting, Tiberius, crazy fireee!, Bet Sha'an, Jordan River Baptismal- put my feet in... kinda gross, but cool, New Jericho

Day 11: Mt. Gerezim, Jacob's Well(loveedd), Samaria Sabaste, Cesarea(LOOOVEEDDD). Last day of classes

Day 12: Departure meeting, Shopping in town- got my Shofar and Schwarma:), visited the clinic, Dinner at Notre Dame to Celebrate Leanne's amazing birthday:), watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding in the Garden

Day 13: The goodbyes began, packed up and went to our hotel, Pizza at Jacob's Pizza, my FAVORITE watermelon popsicle for the last time, then went to the western wall one last time, slept on the floor, then I was off to the airport at 4:45 am....that was fun... not;)

Let me know what you want to know about, and I'll write more about it;)

<3 M

Waiting For a Change That Is Nowhere To Be Found

Brace yourselves.. this one is a little intense..

Some things never change. No matter how much you wish they would.. they don't. And maybe that's where I need more faith- that things WILL change for me- for the best- when the time is right.

Going to Israel was TRULY and incredible experience that I will never ever forget. I needed to get away from the ship for a while- to give myself some room and space to breathe and not have to focus so much on ship life, but also it gave me space to think a little bit. Which... isn't always the greatest thing in the world.

Honestly, I didn't think I'd miss the ship as much as I did. I left unsure of what is ahead- not sure if I was  going to stay on board only until February, was was the original plan, or if I'd stay later, not sure what job I'd have... lots of uncertainties. The time away really helped check some of that into perspective. I realized how much I do love the ship- not always ship life, but I do love living in a community like this, I love what we do, I love Africa. It's tough right now because none of those things are really in play, but I do greatly look forward to the great return to Africa.

Being gone, I missed some friends of mine terribly. Coming back, however, was nothing like I had thoguht. It was exciting, but I kept thinking that when I got back, people would make time for me, I'd suddenly have friends I didn't have before, I'd get to know more people, I'd fit in, I'd be home. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. It dawned on me last night how few of my friends are still here. There was a mass exodus both as I left and while i was gone- they're almost all gone. Mind you, I do have an extra confidence I didn't have before, more pep to my step, but as the days roll on, I'm starting to lose that. What happened? What clicked over to make this change?


I'm gonna let you in on something... The ship is a VERY tough place to be for single people... especially single people like me. I have a past- I'm no good at making lasting relationships and holding on to them- very few people in my life have been there through the rough times and stayed... I just never have been good at it. I'm terrible at initiating friendships, I am terrible at holding on to them... I am clingy, needy, and lonely. A recipe for disaster. I am so thankful for the people in my life who know me well enough by now to know how to help me through these things. But, it also means I am very alone much of the time.

Loneliness has always been a great struggle for me. Ever since I was a kid, if you asked me 'Michelle, what is your greatest fear?" It was being all alone. Yet, somehow I find myself in this place time and time again. The ship is great... but it can also be a place of lots of pain. If you allow yourself to get close to someone, you WILL have to say goodbye at some time or another- that's life, but when you do this enough times, it becomes hardening- you don't want to anymore. I came back excited to get to know people who are new and ready to hit the ground running, but the thing is- all of my reservations and fears are still where I left them...

Even in Israel, there were times I felt so alone. It seemed that everyone had a 'go-to' person and I was the odd man out. Really, I sort-of was... everyone was either married, related, or good friends... and I... wasn't... I sat alone 9/10 times on the bus, left to my own devices. I tried not to be bothered by it, but there were certainly days it took over and poisoned my soul- ruining the day ahead.

I am no good at having friends my own age... I either go younger or older- and normally I do great with people 5 or more years younger than me and people about 10 or more years older than me. I just feel I have a lot more I can relate to these groups of people. However, yet another recipe for disaster. On the ship, that means these people are either kids, teens or parents. See the problem? I sure do... I am close with families- which is a huge blessing... but... at the end of the day, they're not my family, and I"m not theirs. I may be their 'auntie' for a while, but I am not really family, nor do I expect to become family, so I'm not invited to family outings, dinners, movie nights, things like that...I'm still alone when it all comes down to it.

I have no home base here. Anyone I once had, has either moved on, or they are a part of a family or couple... meaning I am no one's priority. It seems harsh, but it is true. At home, if the family is in, I have people.. I have my family to have dinner with, if I am on the verge of a breakdown and I NEED to talk about something, I have my mom, I have my dad, I can go for a drive, play my guitar, I can cuddle with my nephew. Here, while on the verge of a breakdown, there's nothing...no way for me to blow of steam, no one to just let me vent and to talk later... walks around the pond or 2am jam sessions . The only thing to do is pray. Which SHOULD be my default anyway, but it's not. Maybe that's a lesson to be learned, but I am not there yet..

I find myself around the ship looking for someone to invest in, someone to reach out to me, to be my partner in crime, my go-to- person, my side-kick... but unfortunately, that's not my reality. The reality is I am alone... it's time I take ownership of that and move through it... but, that, too never seems to work.

Sometimes I wonder if being home would make it all better, but really- the same problems would follow me there too...  I feel plagued by one of man's most lethal enemies.

Nightmare in Madrid...

So... I've been promising for a while to write a bit more... I thought I'd share a journal entry with you from the day I arrived in Israel. The flight from Madrid to Israel was a bit traumatic and I was not able to post about it until now, since Israel checks everything that is posted in its country. I didn't want to get into even more trouble.:)

I write daily- its a bit of a new years resolution to myself, but I had to break it due to this flight... I was annoyed to say teh least, but that explains the first line of the entry... enjoy;)

July 2, 2012
An unexpected turn of events prevented me from writing last night...

Sunday, I dreaded leaving. I think AGAIN I knew I was in for an innnnteresting trip... puilled myself together just in time, Airport with Matt, Margo and Sam, met up with Carol who bought us these awesome coffees, flight to madrid- I didn't realize I was flying in business class. EPIC. Great food:) I think I need it for what was coming next.

Got of the plane in Madrid, went to McDonalds, which I'm now grateful for, and made our way to our gate.We didn't realize we were really early- but again- a super good thing. I got my boarding pass, which they wouldn't give me in Tenerife... and so began the nightmare.

they asked us all kind of questions and seemedreally polit, so I answered nicely and smiled- but didnt give the most direct answers ever. They took my bags, then took me into a room where they patted me down, searched me, swabbed my clothes for bomb residue, checked my shoes...it all felt very invasive. After a few minutes they let me get sorted out again and took me to another room, where I waited.

I saw them take everything out of my bags, swab all of my clothes, and sort through everything. One by one, my electronics came to me and I had to show them how to turn them on, take them out of their case and show them they worked. The Itouch case wasn't exactly helpful... it didn't want to come off and caused a bit of trouble... in the end I broke it a little, which is disappointing, as it was my brand new case.

I waited in the room for over 2 hours... I figured that at the end, they'd give me my stuff and i'd be on my way, right? Wrong. They called me into the space where my stuff was and showed me my things. All of my electronics in my duffel with clothes and everything from my backpack in a box, then my backpack with only my wallet and my face mask in it. They put everything else as checked luggage. I had to beg for benadryl...  I wasn't allowed my electronics, my journal(thus why I couldn't write), no anything.

I've NEVER felt so alienated and discriminated against in my entire life. I felt like I was being punished for being a kin,driendly, helpful human being. I got on the plane and cried. I had non of my usual coping mechanisms.... my journal, my music... It was a rough flight. It ended with me getting to see a MAGNIFACENT  sunrise:) We landed, got our stuff and money. I knew we should've gotten food and water, but no one listened to me.... got on the sherut(the Israeli bus taxi) and we were on our way to Jerusalem. 20 minutes into it, I felt like I was going to vomit and fought that for the rest of the ride. I made a full plan on what to do... it got very close.

Get got to the campus, walked up to the university. I was starving and dehydrated but decided just to take a nap and teal with the rest later... I woke up 3 hours later, ate a MASSIVE lunch then we went to the Old City for a walk:)...

I cut some things out and added a few things.. but that'd the gist...  Sam was with me the whole way. I think we were suspicious due to the fact we have passports that have all kinds of stamps in them, we are humanitarians which can sometimes be a red flag for activist, extremist what have you, and we were clearly Christians- we were studying about Jesus in Israel.. which I suppose we could've left out.. but.. yeah... we apparently had lots of the red flags... no one warned me beforehand.. just learned the brutal way. But hey- great story, huh? ;)

Oh... 1 more part... on the way there, I purposefully tried to carry everything on, because it was better to not lose things, right? Then everything ended up getting taken from me, as I was suspicious... then on the way back, they pulled me aside and asked me how I had so little for being there for 2 weeks.... it's called a laundry machine.. and no I didn't say that;) 

With that,
I promise that I'll get pictures going really soon- I took over 3,000 pictures, so I need to get them all edited, cropped and pick which ones to put up on facebook and which would be boring to you but fun for me to look back on one day;) Thankfully the professor had us write reports daily(which I got behind on but finished the last day), I collected brochures and post cards the whole way and fun things like that... so... Ialso have to get on my little scrap book my mom got me at Christmas.... looking forward to it... so much to do, but I get to look back on my whole trip through it...

Overall INCREDIBLE experience, met some people who have really truly been changing my life and my perspective a little at a time and I feel truly blessed for being so fortunate to have been chosen by God to take this trip at the time I did. Now to get my Dad there..;)

The Good Life

When we first got to Tenerife, I think I was under the impression I might have a lot of free time, thus the promise to blog all of the time... however... I was wrong. The cabin I'm sitting in became unbearably hot, so I pretty much avoided it for a while, and neglected the computer for a few days, plus oh man is there so much to do here. Thankfully pretty much all of the 'finds' I've made are surprisingly cheap. I think the US has something to learn from Tenerife...

Exhibit A...
Today, I went to Panaria, where I got a coffee and a pastry ... THEN, I got a sandwich made with facaccia, brie cheese, micro greens, tomato and amazingness along side a MASSIVE orange juice, which was fresh squeezed... it's this giant machine that they throw oranges into whole and it throws them around and juices them.... EPPPIC...  All of this for a whoppingggg... 8 Euro.... aka 10 USD... Um... HELLLOOOO?!?! I could NEVER get any of that for this price let alone together at home... EVER... Wow!! 

I really wish I hadn't let my spanish skills get rusty... they are SOOO rusty.. thankfully the people here are really nice about it and smile when I try... hasn't gotten in my way so far..;)

Anyway... For those wondering, I'm doing really well. I thought this time would be a lot harder on me than it has been. 95% of my friends have left and many for good, so it's a bit of a transition for me. I think part of it is that it just hasn't hit me yet that these people are gone for good... I think it will, and I dread that day, but for now I'm fine. Thankfully a lot of these people are people I see myself meeting again in the future, so that's always comforting.

I was able to switch jobs from June 1 till now, which was amazing. I LOVE working with these kids... it was a great time of getting to know them better, learn more about my leadership style- which things I need to work one, which worked, etc... it was also great to watch these kids really dig in to the discussions we had about the bible and the Psalms... well most of them did at least;) Our group LOVED to tell stories to eachother, so there were days our Devotion time went 30 minutes past what I'd planned because we just were on a roll with the stories:) My only disappointment is that it's over now and reception will have me back as of July 18. Not so excited about that, but I'm praying about that one, and we'll see what God's got up his sleeve. It's not that I hate reception- I just hate the shifts... I am realizing more and more that I just can't handle the switching back and forth with nights as well as I was thinking I could... my sleeping problems have dissolved now that I have a consistent sleep schedule... not to say I don't have an occasional bout of night terrors... I do.. but.. yeah. Anyway. I'll keep you posted on that;)

I am really digging my life right now. Today, I walked out into town ALONE- something I haven't felt comfortable with since I left home. Togo wasn't safe to walk alone- I don't care who you talk to- it's just not... as is the case for most West African countries... so, I strolled out this morning ready to take on the world with a huge smile on my face: ) It was glorious. I realize every time I go to a new city how much I ADORE city life. I've always thought I'd love living in the country, but the more I travel, the more I realize my draw to cities. I love being able to walk virtually anywhere. I can see myself living in a city for sure in the next few years- I'll probably still have a car for practical reasons, but I don't plan on using it when I've got 2 perfectly capable feet and legs that can get me there. Really- they have the system completely right- You walk EVERYWHERE, and eat along the way, but you don't gain anything because 1)the food is 99% better for you than the US, and 2) you burn everything off.... awesome:)

Anyway.. I divert.

Tomorrow I go to Israel. The most common questions are: Are you ready? Are you Excited?

1) I'm not sure I"ll ever be ready. I did most of the work that I was told to do... note the word Most.. but.. yeah.. I feel prepared, but not ready... I mean.. how can you ever be ready to walk in the place where Jesus walked? Really, now.

2) I'M SO EXCITEDDD!! The more I dug into the material we were asked to read and just dove in, the more excited I got.. there's so  much to see and do and I'm going to be exhausted after this trip, but I'm excited to see yet ANOTHER country and explore a new city for sure- especially one that has meaning to me personally. I"m really looking forward to seeing what God has to show me there. I am a huge history buff... well.. let me qualify that... I love GOING to the places where things happened and exploring what it might've been like and learning all about the details. I HATE reading about it and getting facts perfect, but I LOVE BEINNNNG there:) Put me in a museum- ESPECIALLY an art museum, and it's all over... I could spend days there just thinking about what it'd be like to be this person or in this place... this is going to be one of those amazing times where things just bounce off the page of my bible and into real life. I know it's not going to be this perfect amazing experience, but I do look forward to what it will be.


:)

This was a loaded post, but alas... that's what you get when I write;) Always loaded.

I won't be using my computer much while in Israel, except to upload pictures to it, which MAY mean you'll get some facebook picture updates(since it's much faster to do that there than on board), but  no promises.

I'll catch you all on the flip side.

<3 Your excited explorer

WE'RE HERE!!

I have every intention of finishing the series of blogs I started... eventually... well... I'll finish by Sunday when I fly to ISRAEL!! I am so blown away by my life at the moment... the 11 days of sailing are CERTAINLY worth the reward... Tenerife is incredible. My only woe at the moment is I'm not sure if my wallet can handle all of the great things this place has to offer. Praying that'll take care of itself somehow, but we shall see...

Anyway... Some of my favorite pictures to hold you over until a real post comes;)