My Shredded Heart

Do you know how it feels to have your heart in a billion places? It literally feels like my heart is all over the world with all of these people and in all of these places.

An update from the Land of Michelle

Man, how the times have changed. It's been a while, so I thought I'd do a quick 'me in a nutshell' post and I hope to update this more often.

Since my last post(in September), life looks very different for me.

In the fall, I worked on my Child Life practicum at Children's National in DC. I was able to complete rotations in the General Unit, Radiology, and Neurosciences. I learned more than I ever could imagine! I was only placed in my first choice rotation once, but my coordinators always seemed to know better than me what the best choice of unit and supervisor was. It was incredible.

Juggling my job at Target on top of my Practicum was overwhelming, as many days were about 17 hours long, but I had enough short days to counter this. I was cross-trained at the Starbucks in the store(all run by target employees and management). Had it not been for Starbucks, I would've quit a lot sooner than I did. I applied to Internships, but the places I applied failed to mention on their websites that they would NOT be accepting people who had not COMPLETED their Practicum. Major set back, which was hard to take, but I kept pushing on.

In October, I was able to take a vacation to TX to see two great friends of mine from the ship get married, which also meant I got to see one of my ship families. We had an AMAZING time, as I was able to spend two nights with my 'nieces' at a friend's house, who I hadn't seen since I left for the ship in 2011. I also got to see my sister, Ashley, who was living in Richardson at the time. It was a great trip overall.

When I returned back to my little room, I was told I needed to move out due to a family emergency of the friends I was staying with. So, I moved home. The first few weeks were great, but now that I'm settled in, the clutter has come along with it and I am now working on re-organizing and decorating my room, as I'll more than likely be living there until the fall. I want it to be my safe haven, not my junkyard.

The holidays came and went with little notice by me, since work was so insanely crazy. I had quite a few culture shock moments, as I missed my friends from the ship and remembered both what I went though last winter, as well as the joys of the season last year. I was not able to enjoy my family and my surroundings this year- soaking it up as I wanted to, but I simply had no choice. I also heard back from the internships for the Summer- out of the four I applied for, one was not offering, and the other 3 said no. Another set-back.

Then came the completion of my practicum, which was extremely bittersweet. Saying goodbye to my incredible supervisors and new friends, as well as patients, was difficult, but I was looking forward to the next step. Things didn't exactly go as planned. I was seeking a nanny job, found one, but it fell through. My 'out' of Target fell out of my grasp literally the day that I put in my two weeks notice. I decided to keep that 2 weeks in place and revoke it if needed. Over those last two weeks, I realized I disagreed morally with the treatment of the employees by management, but also the use of our resources. I knew this was the time.

I went to my sister's in North Carolina the day after I quit, which was an adventure of its own- driving STRAIGHT into that big snowstorm we got in February. We got there after 12 hours on the road and spent some much needed time with my sister, Heather, and her little family. We also celebrated my nephew, James', FIRST BIRTHDAY!! Crazy!

I thought I'd end up with weeks of time on my hands with nothing to do except focus on my applications again, but that's not how it happened. Almost immediately, a friend contacted me about a babysitting job for a day or two. This turned into, “Hey, can you watch our son almost daily?” Of course I said, “YES!!!” Because of this awesome friend, I was able to gain multiple jobs, which has CERTAINLY put me in my element. I love my job!

I also found a new church, which is amazing and meets me right where I'm at while challenging me. I've had a few moments of insecurity, but I have to remember that relationships take a lot of time and work. I'm reminded that God is the same no matter how my circumstances change. It's a huge comfort to me.

Right now, I am in the process of working on Graduate School applications, which I'll work on while I wait for an internship and in-between my internship and my exam. I'll need a masters by 2022 and it doesn't necessarily need to be in Child Life, since I'll hopefully be grand-fathered in by then. I'll go for my Masters in Teaching with dual certification in Theatre and either English or Early Childhood, which will help me out greatly have an edge on my competition in the Child Life realm. I'll apply for internships for the fall around the USA- I have 20 picked out and will be working on those once my PRAXIS and Grad School application is finished.

So...that's me for now;) I'll try to do better with posting. If you have questions, let me know and I'll post the answers;)