Day 12:Requiem

Today... today was alltogether a blessing.

I slept in, but didn't oversleep and woke up rested. I had time to chill when I got up and watch Greys... If you are watching it, please PM me so we can vent together.... BUHHHH!!! Shonda Rhimes what are you doing to us???? The show is over in 4 weeks! I can't say I am surprised thought...

Then, I got to go to a childhood friend's bridal shower, who I was able to reconnect with over a year ago because she and her sister were the ones who invited me to Mosaic! :) Funny how life comes full circle sometimes. It was a fun time of good food, good friends, and new people.

Afterwards, I was invited to come to DC to see a friend perform Brahm's Requiem. Didn't know much about the piece, but it was a 200 piece choir plus the Annapolis Symphony Orchestra, which said friend plays clarinet for. The concert was at the National Presbyterian Church. I got there super early, so I drove around and took a peek at American University's campus, which is right there. What a BEAUTIFUL campus! I kinda wish I considered that for undergrad. Not that I regret UMBC... I don't at all... I love my UMBC... but I had no idea that was all there... After I took in some of the beautiful spring scenery(no I didn't see THE cherryblossoms, but I did see some  cherryblossoms and other beautiful spring flowers and trees around), I headed back and decided to see if the doors to the church were open.

This event was FREE.... um... whhhhhhatttt???? Free... I walked in, people were so nice and showed me the way to the sanctuary. It was STUNNING... Stained glass like I have NEVER seen in the states. I could not have picked a better setting for this piece... That and the acoustics... wow... incredible.You would never need a microphone in that place.

As I waited, I chatted with an older man and his wife, who just happened to find out about the concert and came for fun. A harpist and oboeist were warming up, and I said, "Man... I love a good oboe..." and the older man argued that it was a clarinet. I disagreed and explained the sound is different and the structure of the instrument is different. He then pointed and said he thought THAT was an oboe... I explained that he was pointing to a bassoon... another of my favorites. I think if I could do it all again, I would pick the bassoon or the french horn as my instrument of choice... we then discussed the differece between a glockenspiel and xylophone and I gave him a lesson on different keyboard instruments... it was actually a lot of fun for me.

Then the concert began. This concert was more of a blessing than I could have ever anticipated. My friend told me right before that music like this feeds the soul.... oh boy did it ever. My body got no rest today, but my soul feels so rested and full... this is what happened...

So Brahm's requiem is different from others,as it focuses on those who are still living versus those who have left us. Now, as you may, or most of you may not know, April is a hard month for me. It just is. Between the stress of school, and the feelings April brings, it is incredibly overwhelming. Through the week, I was reminded that last week was the anniversary of the passing of a friend, and the next two weeks hold two separate anniversaries of friends who have died. One completely unexpectedly, one had cancer but went fast and far too soon, and one who was a patient of mine, who I actually prayed by the end for Jesus to take her, because I wanted her suffering to be over... for their stories, check out this blog post from a while back.... Remembering. 

Entering the piece with this on my mind was actually pretty powerful. I was actually able to think a lot about my experiences and naviate through them by way of the music. Had I had the whole room to myself, which would have been incredible, but totally impossible, I would have let the music sweep over me and let my emotions captivate me and let me sob, remembering those who have left me bein, but also laugh as I think of the amazing joys the piece brings to mind.

As an incredibly creative-minded person, with music being one of my main centers of creativity, I also just let my mind wander. My mind NEVER EVER stops... Never... when i go to bed, I am always thinking through some scenario from my day, a list of things to do, something I don't want to forget, and then when I finally fall asleep, my mind creates these obscure and bizarre dreams. I do not exaggerate when I say the moment I fall asleep, I begin to dream... it is very true... its all my mind. So, I allowed my music to captivate me and allowed my mind to play with the music. At first, (I wish I could show you the movie in my mind because it is beautiful and pairs the music with my picture) I imagined a beautiful woman, who had lost someone, dressed in a beautiful flowing white dress. She danced as if her soul had been torn from her, but as the music progresses, she finds peace. Later, she suddenly became the person who was dying in my little mind movie. It was beautifully gut-wrenching and devastating. She didn't look like she was dying, but she struggled... think of it as if this woman was a dancer doing a piece... thats how I see her in my mind...

Anyway... with this going on in my mind, along with thinking of my dear ones I have lost in April over the years, I shed a few tears during the dark, deep, mournful sounds of the beginning of the Requiem, but the words of the music turn to thinking of how free and happy those who have died are dancing in heaven. Now, this poses a complex conundrum for me, as I have no idea of the 3 if 2 of the 3 were believers... if they weren't, they wouldnt be dancing happily in heaven, but for the purposes of the piece, i focused on the joy, not the fear and sadness.

It was a beautiful way to spend my evening. Truly, stunning. I have missed hearing classical music in my life eversince I left band.... I hated my band teacher, but loved being a part of somethign so much bigger than myself. My little part made a big difference in the cocophany of sound. I also miss singing in a choir a ton. But, this filled my heart to the brim and helped my mind sort some things out and cope with the time of the year a bit.

On the way home, I grabbed pizza at a little place my friend recommended(banging pizza!!!), then reflected on the piece the whole drive home.... which was long, beccause i got lost and my phone was dead... but i didn't mind... more time to think of those dear friends I lost, their legacy, how I remember them and how that has helped shape me into who I am. <3

Day 11: The Tale of Two Rings

Finally, the story I have been wanting to tell all week, but simply have not had time to write out in a way I was pleased with...

On Monday, we had our Crossfit night, as always. This week we did one set of exercises inside, then moved outside to do sled pushes and tire pulling. Not sure if that is the technical name, but it sounds nice.

Afterwards, we all came back inside and ate some awesome healthy snacks and chatted. Before we all went our own ways, but our numbers dwindled, one of our fearles leaders, Marlena, mentioned that her wedding ring was missing. She had put it in her phone, but her phone had been moved a ton over the course of the night, and the ring was now MIA. There were speculations of where it was lost, but after a brief sweep with 5 of us, they needed to get home to put their daughter to bed.

Marlena kept saying it was super cheap and it was okay, but I knew, like any wedding ring, it has a ton of meaning. So, I pretended like I was getting my car, then got out and ran back inside. When I got inside, I found two of my fellow crossfit mates searching high and low already. I was relieved, as I was about to rally the troops. I didn't need to- they had already reallied themselves. We opened up the garage doors of the gym in the back of teh church, used our phones to shine light(thank God for cellphones with flashlights) and the serach was on.

Now, the coolest part was the discussion that occured while we were looking. One of the guys who was looking told me that their friend lost their wedding ring in a lake in the sand. The friend lost hope, but everyone was determined to find the ring. They prayed, and about 20 minutes, they found it.

At this moment, I almost burst into tears, because the reason I ran back in intially is because I have my own ring story... I thought I wrote about this before, but I haven't, so here it is...

When I went on my tour of Israel in 2012, I was swimming in the sea of Galilee with some friends... lets pause there... how surreal is that sentence?? Anyway.. I was swimming with some of the girls, and a friend of mine had a ring that she got made years earlier in Israel that had her name in Hebrew engraved in it. As we swam in the sea, which was very calm- much like a lake with a few small waves, we jumped all around, spashed and enjoyed eachother. Carys looked up and realized her ring was gone. Jordy and I looked at eachother and there were two choices we could have made... 1)give up, 2) search.... we decided to look. Carys was certain it was lost and said she could get a new once made- what a better place to lose a keepsake from Israel than in Isreal?

We prayed out loud, then looked, and looked, and looked, for what seemed like forever. I remember the sun had set and we were still feelinge  everywhere. After over 30 minutes of searching in the sand and the path of the current, one of the girls felt down, and there it was. A testament of God's faithfulness right there in front of us.

After this, I decided to get a ring made in Isreal, and actually got my name in Hebrew as well. It was only Monday that I realzied the deeper meaning of the ring on my own finger. Initially, I made it as a reminder of God's love for me and as a purity ring of sorts, since I lost the one I got in high school long ago at the pool... but then it donned on me... it is also a reminder of God's faithfulness. It reminds me that He knows my name- He knew it before I was even born. He has my future laid before me. He knows whether I will have a wedding ring and who will put it on my finger, and if not, why and what great plans he has instead. Often on the ship, I would trace my ring with my finger as a reminder that his love for me never ends... it goes on and on, just like my ring.

So.... after much searching through leaves, weights, crevaces, spider webbed tires, and concrete, I searched less than a foot away from where Marlena's husband was searching. When they gave up to go home, I had a feeling in my stomach to look there, so after 30 minutes of searching, I did. And guess what? It was there!!!!!

I was so excited, I literally started crying on my way home. Not necessarily because we found it, but because all that I just wrote came to mind. Thsi was by far the biggest blessing of my week.... It is funny because it may have actually blessed me than the person who lost their property, but then again, you never really know how much you miss something, until it's lost, then found again.

Day 10: Coffee

I promise you a great one tomorrow, but this day was brought to you by coffee... Would not have been possible without it. That is all.

Day 9:pictures

Wow...today was a doozy... And after a day like this I would so much rather head to sleep, but I promised myself I would do this daily, so here I am.

Today I am grateful for pictures. I have an assignment for my Childrens Literature class m where I have to write my own kids book but in a way I can easily replicate. AKA- using my own materials and keeping it free/cheap. 

This ended up taking more time than I anticipated but also became more meaningful, as I was forced to illustrate my book with my own photos, as a requirement of the project. 

I realized I have something nobody else has in that room- a multicultural perspective, but also access to different cultures. So, I wrote a book about all of 'Miss Michelle's Friends' around the world. I could have made it much longer had i exhausted all resources, but I kept it in the realm of people I know from the ship. 

This means that as I attempted to show children my friends in the two African countries I chose, I had to sift through and find my favorites.

Now, my computer is in complete disarray... No files are organized and it became clear tonight... While I was writing, I realized I had no disk space to save my book, so I had to get my external hard drive and move things over. In the process, I had to click through hundreds of pictures to find the ones  I needed. this means I had to look at the beautiful faces of the babies I left behind, two of which I so badly wished I could adopt, look at all of the patients who I spent countless hours with, see my beautiful students who always kept me in my toes and taught me more than I taught them, my big sisters and little nieces from the ship, whom I miss daily and endlessly, and the incredible landscapes and land I love and long for. My heart both shattered and felt whole as I looked at these photos. 

I am so thankful I have them to look back, yet they haunt me. I wonder what life is like for these beautiful people. I see the face of a beautiful baby who was taken far too soon... A young woman who left this earth without getting to say goodbye to her baby... I remember I am on this earth for a great purpose and  truly hope it will one day lead me back to the land I left my heart in. The land so many fear now that Ebola has ravaged, but I have never wanted to go more than when that diaaster struck... One day. 

Day 8:Bed

Tonight, my blessing is simple. Mostly because I am exhausted and it is over an hour after I should have fallen asleep. But tonight I am thankful to have a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, food to eat, and safety. I think of all of those who are lacking those basic needs as I end my day and I am thankful and feel incredibly blessed to have all of those needs met at this time. May not always be so, but for this moment it is. Thank you God:)

Day 7: Faithfulness

Today was incredible for so many reasons. I was the head teacher for a day, since my head teacher was out, which was stressful, sure, but also wonderful. A classroom of my own for a day and only 9/12 kids- it was sweet. That coupled with the incredible weather, that allowed us to be outside for over 2 hours total today was great. I left work late, but I had a ton to do, so really that was a good thing for me.

After work, I went to the library where I quickly got the books I needed(a rare occurance- normally takes me forever). I then headed to my crossfit group at Mosaic, which kicked my butt, as per usual, but was awesome. Each time, I learn more about myself. I learn about my boundaries, both physical and mental, as well as how strong I actually am. I surprise myself sometimes. One of the rules of the group is do not compare yourself to others, for which i am thankful because I would come down hard on myself. But with this rule, I can look at how far I have come and be proud of how much i was able to accomplish.

This week had an unexpected twist for us, which I will save for another time for once I ask permission to share the story:)

Throughout the day, I was treated with surprises of grades. I currently have and am maintining 100% in all of my courses at the moment. The credit is not on me. It is on God, who gives me my purpose each day, who dries me, who inspires me, who reeveals new things to me , who challenges me and who pushes me to be my best. I am so thankful for the student he has helped me become. 4 more weeks and this nightmare of a semester will be over. But, I cannot deny the joys I have had this semester to balance the chaos. My Monday nights have been one of the best parts of my week, no mater how hard it is or how badly my butt gets kicked. Yoga has been great.... a chance to challenge myself, wrestle my thoughts, spend time with a friend, and center myself. Tuesday mornings, where I get to babysit some sweet kiddos 2 hours a week has provided some much needed income, but also provides me with awesome interactions with incredible kids, parents, and co-sitters weekly. This semester has so many things to be thankful for sprinkled throughout. I will miss those things.

I am praying to have an easier semester next semester, but have no idea what that looks like yet.... For now, I look forward to mid-may, when I get to gain some free time in the evenings. Going back to work full time will be hard, but nowhere as hard as juggling it all. I also look forward to new growth groups and am excited that crossfit will continue this summer... our fearless leaders will continue to force me to face my deamons and get it done... and that we will:)

All day, God showed me his faithfulness once again in the smallest and biggest moments of my day. Thanks, God. 

Day 6:Support

Last night, I was literally falling asleep as I wrote, so I picked the easiest blessing to write up. I was on the go for about 15 hours yesterday from the party to church to babysitting then to homework. Tonight, I'll go for the biggest one i wanted to write about yesterday, but also blessed me today upon reflection.

Yesterday, my mom and I joined forces to throw a fundraiser for our trip to Kenya. Let me pause there for a moment. For those who don't know, My mom and I are going to Kenya in July with our church, Mosaic Christian Church, which my parents recently joined and I have been attending for over a year now. We will be helping out with an organization called Life in Abundance and working at a clinic. I hope to support children through procedures and provide education where possible, play with local kids, teach them about Jesus, and do off jobs around the site, while my mom will be doing awesome nursing tasks along with odd-jobs from time to time. It will be a FANTASTIC opportunity and I dont think I need to say this, but I am SOOOO ready to be back on the continent that holds my heart.

So, we threw a Jamberry Fundraiser. Jamberry is a really cool company that sells nail wraps(kinda like a sticker, but it lasts for 7-14 days and come in great designs) and a friend is a consultant, who volunteered for us to take her commission to go toward our trip. We had a fantastic turn out with over 10 people showing up. We wont have a our grand total on how much we raised until the 15th, but we know we have already raised over $200 to split between the two of us!!

I have to say, while I was a long term missionary, I struggled a lot. I never had significant financial needs because my donors were there financially, but I struggled because I never physically really felt the love. I came home and was greeted with many cold shoulders. Dont get me wrong- I am eternally grateful for the prayers and funds that made my 2.5 year trip possible, but there was something missing. That something was tangible in the group that came yesterday and in those who have been donating or participating despite not being able to be there physically. I am overwhelmed that so many people were willing to take time out of their busy day to be with us and to be with us, get to know this product, support us, and check in with us. I am blown away by how many people have logged on and given financially, whether through the fundraiser or on their own.  I feel the love- the love is there.

Thank you to everyone who has made this possible! It was a fantastic day that as made possible by many caring, giving hearts and tons of coffee coursing through my veins. I wont even say how much coffee I consumed yesterday

If you would like to join in on the Jamberry party, you still have time! We close the event on april 14th- only 2 days left!!

Follow this link: http://jamriffic.jamberrynails.net/party/?uid=f98ded2b-261a-4c5d-90d4-a5314594e43f

If you prefer to give through the church go here:
https://mosaic.ccbchurch.com/form_response.php?id=16

If you prefer to give to me directly,, email me at michelle.cristion@gmail.com

I found out today that letters I asked for someone to help me send, were never sent, so I am also overwhelmed by the people willing to give based on what they have seen on Facebook. Thank you!!!!

Today was also a great day. It started SLOOOWLY, after a rough nights sleep and weird side effects from new medication I started for migraines. But, once it got going, it went. I got up and went to spend time with Jordan while my parents caught up with friends. We went around the pond on bikes. His bike wasn't cooperating, so we took it slow, but I would speed ahead and come back and do it again until he joined most times:) It was liberating being back on my bike! I have missed it! Also my lungs, which normally sieze up under 70-75 degrees when I exercise outside were FINE!!! YAYY!!

Jordan then went to play with the neighbors and I relaxed. I then needed to go to the library to get books for my lessons this week on Bugs, got gas, and got coffee because I literally could have gone to bed for the day at 4 pm if I let myself, but I didn't want to. So, I came home, relaxed, watched tons of Hulu and Netflix(my favorite things to do on a day off, but never do durign the week), ate dinner at 8pm, and now I am here.

I apologize for any weird punctuation and spelling in this.... I am typing on my Kindle Fire Keyboard.

Anyway- Thanks for reading and come back tomorrow to hear my Monday Blessing:)