Day 5: kids

As you may or may not know, working wtb kids is my job. But, there are some days I especially love kids. Today was one of them. 

From a sweet little girl who loves to play with me, to an awesome night leading 2nd and 3rd graders at Mosaic, to babysitting my favorite twins ever. 

They are my blessing today. 

Day 4:Surprises

Today was a great day.

I got to finally see a neurologist and we are going to try some meds, she knew Mercy Ships and that was a really cool and fun connection. Funny moment-Sitting in the waiting room and hearing the air turn off and holding my breath expecting the power to go off.... then realizing I am not on the ship...:)


Then I went back to work in a new room for today and got to keep a kid calm by helping him open up his imagination which was a blast to watch.

I went back to my room and after the mess of Wednesday, reconciled differences with a coworker and moved on.

Then I got a raise because we learned I am more qualified than we originally realized.

I came home to dinner already made because my roommate had people over and invited me to join.

Today included a TON of coffee, but it as a great day!

Day 3: new friends and time

JThis will be a short and sweet one:)

Today I was blessed to have time to get my oil changed(and even stayed on budget thanks to my coupon), get ink for my printer and some meds from target, then study for a while at Starbucks and fully used the free refills several times :) 

After an appointment, I also got to meet up with a new friend from my Crossfit group who has always encouraged me a ton during the workouts. She also happens to work at a daycare, so we have a ton in common:)

Now it is storming- I love storms minus the body aches and headaches:) missing my rocking ship which would be rocking nicely right now as I attempt to drift to sleep:)

It was a great day to counter the hard days:)

Day 2: Yoga Calm

There is something about Yoga.. Hot Yoga to be specific, that brings calm to me like very few things can, Some weeks I struggle through my Yoga practice, but not once have I regretted going.

Now, some background first. I go to these amazing $5 classes at Charm City Yoga- theyre so cheap becuase they are at a weird time of day- 8:30 PM... who does that? Well, me. My friend Anna and I have gone at least twice a month since the beginning of the new year, since we both lead stressful lives and need a break that helps better our bodies as well as minds. I do find some of Yoga incredibly offputting and wish I could find a stellar Yoga studio that focuses on Jesus, not Buddah and friends, but I do put my focus on God when we are supposed to meditate.

Anyway... I am so so so so thankful for Yoga- especially after a day like today. A day where I was peed on(and had to wear those clothes for 2 more hours), almost intentionally hit by one of my not quite two year olds(thank God I saw that one coming) and almost spat on immediately after almost getting hit by the same child, and told by someone I look up to and respect that I am lazy and need to work harder after I already felt I have given all I possibly can to my kids without burning out ... it was definately a much needed Yoga day.

Days with the most stress are actually the best yoga days because when I am already relaxed, I struggle the entire way through. When I had a hard day, I am able to focus that stress on the part of the body we are focusing on in our practice and it helps me hold positions better, then I release it all afterwards. Incredibly relaxing and freeing. I will be sore tomorrow, but for now I am completely thankful for Yoga and my friend who holds me accountable to go with her:)

Day 1: Rest and room to be

Honestly, today was a difficult day. I was running on not enough sleep due to my shift of sleep habits from my 'vacation' mindset to the 'back to the grind' mindset. On top of that, I got some news I didn't want to hear about the summer. I did my best not to complain, but shared with a friend who offered an ear, which helped me out a lot.

I came home after 4+ hours of classes and want straight to my keyboard. I started playing a tune I wanted so badly to master, but wound up playing another tune that is sweet, but exhibits the way I was feeling. Sweet but sorrowful. I allowed myself space and time to unravel.

After this, I heated up some dinner and went to my room, where I layed down, put Dancing with the Stars on, and rested. Nearly two hours of uninterrupted rest time. Rest is something I rarely to never get, but thanks to the slow week, and hopefully a much more productive homework day on Thursday, I have some room. Room to breathe. Room to let myself settle into the news of the day. Room to be.

Hard days still have their blessings. That is mine- Rest and room to be.

A New Journey Begins

Friends, readers, whoever you may be,

This is a long one, but I promise it's good- take a look:)

I am entering a new chapter. I am attempting to make better use of my time and resources, so I've decided to change things up for 40 days to see what cool, and perhaps some not so cool, things happen. So... with no further or do... my challenge..

My idea is to do less of some things and more of others- so less is more.... kinda..
Less:
-Less Facebook- I'll only be on once a week... that's it. If people need me, they can text, call, or PM me... Facebook is not my lifeline so it's time for me to stop wasting so much time on it.

-Less Sugar- I'll be practicing some self control by only having one sugary treat per week. This is different in the past because I am not totally stopping, but limiting. We shall see how it goes. I am confident it will be fine. Tough but fine.

-Less complaining- now this one is a tough one for me to put on here because if it's out in the open, it can be used to keep me accountable. I really don't like how negative I have become, so in order to begin more positive thinking, I will try to think more positively and be aware of the times I complain and attempt to change my negative behaviors one at a time.

MORE!!!
-More MUSIC!!!! I want to have one good jam session per week and once a day sing a song that captures how I feel, play one of my many instruments, or just sit in silence during a song. I LOVE music, but have not had time or the motivation to produce music, so here it is:)

-More Writing!! I plan to journal daily, but it will not end there. Oh no. I plan to start compiling some of my many stories on my own to piece together a bit or a memoir, but I'll also be updating this lovely blog of mine DAILY!! Yep- Daily for 40 days- so check back on here for my daily post. I plan on focusing on the blessings of the day. Sounds a tad cliche, but when I did this while in Africa around this time of the year, it was amazing and meaningful for me. For those who are saying, "What? Africa?? Huh??" I lived in Africa for 2.5 years and tons of those stories are all over my blog- so check them out:)

-More Sharing- I hope to become a bit more real with those around me and a part of doing that is to share. Share my thoughts when appropriate, share my story, share what God has been doing in my life, share my struggles and my feats, and something that scares me but I think will be cool- share my music. I posted a song last night and got amazing response, but I feel like God was nudging me and saying, "Hey- I've given you this gift- use it and use it well... share it with others". So, you may see something along those lines posted too.

-More JESUS- My focus has been so scattered lately, and while I have not in any way attempted to push Jesus away, I haven't been spending as much time as I would like focusing on Jesus and the plans he has for my life. I keep getting ideas, and I know they are from him, but I need to focus on him and what he's saying and what the bible says to get a bit of a clearer picture of what that looks like for my life. I have a few ideas of how to do this- I am NOT a morning person, but I've been thinking about trying for the 40 days to wake up earlier than normal, which on many days is before the sun, and take time waking up by eating my breakfast, drinking coffee, and journaling or spending time listening to His word. I have this cool app I love called the Daily Audio Bible and I have neglected it over the last 6 weeks, so I would love to spend some time catching up on that and digging in to what God says and looking at the example Jesus left for us.

THis is a lot, I know... believe me I know, but I also know that God is doing some amazing things in my life. Last night, I stumbled upon some letters I wrote myself in 2008, and I look at that girl and I have no idea who she was. I am stunned that I was that manipulative, shallow, naive, and honestly, crazy. But, I also know I have a long way to go in my journey of me. I know it will be a never-ending process, but there are a few things I've been working on with some help and feel like these are things I need to do. I hope those of you who read this will keep me accountable and read along during this journey:)

Today's Blessing: Day 0- technically day 1 is tomorrow.
Sleep-ins, Spring Cleaning, Homework time and Workouts

Today started verrry slowly, but since I've been sick, I let it slide. I woke up around 11:30, since I did not have work today, and slowly woke up by getting on my phone and playing a few games. I got up and made myself some leftovers to get my motor running. I then tackled the biggest hurdle of my day: My room.

Since I've been sick and oh so so busy, my room had been seriously neglected. Also the beautiful change of weather leaves my wardrobe terribly cumbersome and warm, so I decided to change out my clothes for some lighter ones, which thankfully included some shorter pants(trousers for those from the UK), which I needed terribly. I cleaned out the junk, the clothes, and got myself organized. Honestly this was sparked by the terrible loss of my favorite bag of pens, which I cannot find and still have not found, but that was why I started cleaning... it got everything organized at least:)


Once that was done, I got going on some homework, but more so just kinda lollygagged on my computer and did lots of mindless tasks that needed to be done but were boring. So, I put on the show IZombie, which I surprisingly loved and watched all 3 of.... did I mention its a day off... so I didn't care terribly... I had things I needed to do, which mostly got done, but...did some other things too:) Eventually all of my papers were neatly back in their place in my binder, which I'd neglected for weeks, I finished an assignment, planned a presentation, and worked on two other assignments.

After this, I headed to my amaaaazing Crossfit growth group. This group has been a huuuuuuuge blessing over the last few months. This week was an extra blessing for me. Our fearless leaders were gone for 5 weeks on tour with their Army band, so we did things on our own for those 5 weeks. We built upon skills they had already taught us and we were busting our butts, but generally we were in and out in less than an hour. With our leaders back, we took time to learn some new skills and test them out,  kicked butt in our workout, which they helped us(me especially) modify as needed and cheered us on along the way. Afterward, we hung out and just all chatted. I missed all of these little details that make up our group. I felt at home:) I had a terrible headache right before I came, but the moment I walked in, it was gone and I was ready to rock and roll. My lungs- they struggled, but we got through it and modified and kicked butt.

I sit here with a delicious stout while I type and I feel so so full. I was able to have a mini-jam session when I got home, I wrote a little bit, I wrote this, I ate my last bit of sugar before the 40 days OFFICIALLY begin and am just feeling happy. Not worried about the homework I didn't finish- I'll worry about that tomorrow... for now I think I'll just put something on and do some zentangles and maybe journal before I doze off and HOPEFULLY have good dreams and wake up at a nice late 9am:)

Thanks for reading!! 

Easter Contemplations

My, My it sure has been a long time since I have last written on my blog. I've decided to begin writing once again. You'll see much more coming from me in the coming weeks:)

As yet another year passes us by and we celebrate another holiday, I find myself deep in thought and digging through my feelings to unravel what is going on. I realized, I hold so tightly to past experiences that I often prevent myself from forming new experiences. Yesterday and today, I was overwhelmed. I was thinking about Easters of the past and what made them special to me. I kept having a sinking feeling that this year just wasn't going to be as special as past Easters, yet I distinctly remember myself sitting on the ship each of the three Easters I spent there wishing for Easters at home. And now that I am home, I wish I was on the ship. A never-ending cycle. Or is it.

When I think of easters of the past, my favorite memories include dressing up in beautiful dresses with my sisters, surprises from the Easter bunny(which suddenly ended around late elementary school), Easter egg hunts my grandmother would put on for us with coins inside instead of money, a huge feast including the oh so important pickled eggs and beets and of course some form of church service.

My most recent memories include Holy Week on the ship and Lent, which led up to it. Ash Wednesday, where we would all focus our intentions for the 40 days that would follow, sacrificing something of meaning to us in order to focus more on God. Palm sunday always included a stunningly decorated International Lounge and celebration. Thursday before Easter always involved a Garden of Gethsemane that would be open all night into Good Friday, a foot washing station(which I never participated in, but truly wish I had now), and a room thoughtfully laid out with the sequence of events leading up to the Crucifixion. On Good Friday, we always had a beautiful service focusing our minds on the crucifixion and the life that Jesus gave for us. One year Good Friday also meant a production of Godspell I was able to direct and produce, which brought the story of Jesus to life for everyone on board.

Sunday was always the most beautiful of them all. There was a sunrise service, where we watched the sun come through the complete darkness and sang praises as we watched the sun raise to light up the world. So beautifully symbolic. After this, there were snacks in the cafe(which I always seemed to miss), then the Easter service. Every year this was different, but my favorite one was when we missed the food to hold us over until Brunch and my friend whipped up breakfast burritos for us quickly in her cabin then we got ready to sing in the choir for the Easter service. It was really fun:) After the service was one of the biggest feasts of the year. We never got a bounty of food to choose from, but Easter and Christmas were always days we were able to eat as much as we wanted and have foods we NEVER had access to normally. THey were shipped in for this specific purpose in hopes that we would feel a little more at home during this time.

Last year, one sister flew in, but my grandparents and other sister and her family were not here. We all went to our different churches and shared nothing that day more than a meal. it felt like any other day. I was missing the ship terribly that entire week and was miserable. This year, I asked what we would be doing, and I was told my family had plans to have a meal with their growth grouo and I could join if I wanted. I was skeptical. Incredibly skeptical. So, I needed a plan. But, Sunday morning, I still had no plan other than going to church alone at 11:45.

So, I got up, made a quick breakfast of sunny-side up eggs, which made me giggle at how appropriate it was. I decided I would do this again yearly when possible. I went to church, dreading feeling alone. Thing is- there was not one moment I felt alone. I was always 'home. I actually ran into a friend outside and I sat with her and her family. It was really nice. The service was beautiful. I actually went last night too, but had to leave 15 minutes early and was sitting right behind a pole so I couldnt see a thing. I am glad I went again... it was wonderful and really spoke to me. Afterwards, I treated myself to a Cindys ice cream with money I had pulled out of my piggy bank. It was awesome.

I then headed to my parents to scrounge up some things that didnt make the move with me but that I wanted. Jordan and I played a ton, I showed him pictures I found of him as a baby, and we just had fun. Then, we went to the dinner. Again- not sure what to expect, but I figured, worst comes to worst, I awkwardly sit, eat a meal and go home. Thankfully, again, i felt right at home. The people who were in attendance were all so kind to me and welcomed me with open arms. What a cool part of community. I learm more daily. We ate SO SO much food, enjoyed planning and leading an easter egg hunt, ate some more, then played a game with Jelly Bellys with a 14 year old and a 30 something year old:)

I pulled back into my house, tummy and heart full, and knew I needed to write, reflect on the past, and sing. So, thats what I did. I looked through old letters I wrote to myself and realized how far I have come. I was one messed up college kid, but God has grown me into an amazing woman who is growing and learning more daily. I loved jamming- results of which are on my facebook in videos, and enjoyed writing this. New traditions have established themselves, but realizing I need to just keep an open mind each holiday and form my own new memories, while being thankful for the past, but not dwelling on it. So thats my aproach from here on out. :)