Lent Challenge Day 1 and Explaination

Friends,

I've never been one who participated in lent, as it was simply never a part of the Baptist tradition to do so.  However, given the great opportunity and surroundings, this year I decided it was not only something I wanted to participate in, but something I NEEDED to participate in.

Over the last few weeks, I've been growing closer to God than I have been in a very long time. While this is exciting, it's brought its challenges. I've also been making an effort to make a better me- a new years goal more than resolution, but this means taking care of myself better and getting into good shape so that I can live a long and healthy life, not one cut off by preventable illnesses. There's also lots of ideas of what the future looks like twirling around this head of mine, so I figured, I should certainly participate in the fasting during Lent and see what comes of it, as I'm sure God is going to bless the time.

I won't mention everything here, but the biggest change for me is that I will NOT be using Facebook. I have deactivated my account(I will re-activate on Easter). Facebook has been one of the greatest tools for me to keep in touch with my dear friends at home and all of you, of course. However, it's also become a huge stumbling block. I've found myself countless times in front of the computer checking up on people and facebook 'stalking' people rather than doing what I need to be doing with my day. It's become a time sucker, and not what it was originally intended to be- a point of contact. I was also finding myself divulging more information about my personal life than one maybe should be at any given moment- I'm a very spontaneous thinker and emotional person... this can be dangerous on facebook. Therefore, it's out of my life for the next 40 days. If you want to talk to me, please feel free to email me at michellejoy06@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you, see your pictures, and participate in your lives still- just not through Facebook.

I've also taken on a few things I'm 'giving up' to focus on getting rid of some of my bad eating habits (no fizzy drinks(as they call them here) or extra sugars- natural sugars are allowed but nothing with extras.... we'll see how this one goes. I've been told you may pick 1 day where you're 'off the hook' and I won't ever be off the hook on the facebook one, but this one... I will. My birthday is smack dab in the middle of Lent- March 9th.... so I decided I may enjoy my foods on that day, but then go right back to it the next day.

I've also made a few personal challenges that I won't share, but I'm excited to see how God grows me through them.

Blogging was my last challenge to myself... 40 days.... I want to write 40 days of blessings I have in my life... so this is where we will begin...

Blessings Day 1: My Mom

Now, I'm fairly certain the way my mom loves to love people is through gifts.

As you may or may not know, the youth pastor from my home church is currently on board. Now, he was not my youth pastor, but the one right after and has done some really great things for our church community. He wanted to see what Mercy Ships is all about, and we figured now would be great because my mom would be on board and help show him around,etc. However, plans changed a few months ago. My mom needed to pull out due to work-related issues, which in turn became a HUGE blessing because then my nephew James was born on the 11th, when she was SUPPOSED to be here.

I picked up Ryan from a friend of Mercy Ships' home... long story... and he said 'this is your bag'. I was like 'um... what?' The things I had ordered for myself were small and should've taken up no space at all, so I was confused when I saw this duffel about 1/2 full of items. I opened it up and it TRULY felt like Christmas.... I had tapped into my savings ordered myself as a treat some goodies for me to enjoy during the rest of my time here- books, a new Itouch, etc. I had also requested a few other things (Taebo dvds, toothpaste)... just a few things. I open the bag and I'm beyond myself- I see valentines candies and more valentines  candies- and wait- MORE valentines candies, as well as my favorite cake mix(no doubt for my birthday), and another cool cake mix, which I'm sure was intended for Valentines day, but I may save until after lent so I can try one- Pink Lemonade cake mix and icing- who knew? I also plan on saving some of the valentines candies for myself later as well;)

In that moment, I was full of joy.... I realized in that moment something I had kinda known my whole life but was confirmed in this moment- I'm certain my mom's main love language(at least in giving) is gifts. She doesn't love getting them(merely for the attention I supposed), but LOVES showering them on us- especially when I'm so far away and there's a way to..... for that I feel extremely BLESSED today- Thanks mommy!! I love you and miss you.

With about 3 months left on this journey... I'm excited that about 1/2 of that time will be me spending it focusing more on God and the Great things he has done for me.

<3 M

Story Time- Part 1

This morning, I was reminded of a great story I heard somewhere... church I think... so I decided to take the basic skeleton of the story(it was a very very short story) and draw it out a little and make it a sort of parable if you will.... I hope you enjoy it.... I'm really working on starting to write more... so this was an exciting project for a Sunday morning:)

There was once a little girl, who her father loved to the stars and back. One day, they went to the store and something caught the little girl's eye. She excitedly ran over to a display of beautiful plastic necklaces. She wanted one so badly, so she begged and begged her father and gave him a list of reasons why she should be the owner of one of those necklaces.... "They're the most beautifulist I've ever seen!!!" she exclaimed. When she asked her father, he said a simple, "No."

He grabbed her hand to leave, but she fought and fought him-restating all of the reasons she not only wanted, but NEEDED this necklace. She rattled off all of the good things she'd done that week and landed on, "I deserve this necklace, Daddy!!" He put a loving hand on her shoulder and stooped down, looking her straight in the eyes and said, "My beautiful daughter, you cannot have this necklace right now. Let's go home..."

He grabbed her hand, but she resisted. He held her firmly, but she threw herself on the ground. He gracefully swooped his sobbing daughter into his arms as she flailed and cried. After much struggle, he got her home and calmed her down.

That night, as the family sat down to dinner, the little girl told her mom all about this amazingly beautiful plastic necklace from the store. The mother smiled and shared her excitement, looking at the father with a confused expression, which asked, "Why didn't you get it for her...". His expression dropped- if only they knew his plans.

Weeks passed and the sweet girl's fascination with the beautiful plastic necklace passed.

One morning, the little girl bounced down to breakfast to find a small box with her name on it at her place setting. Her father hid behind the corner, as not to distract from the moment. She eyed the box and looked suspiciously around. She came to the box and felt the smooth blue velvet case under her fingers. it make her heart melt and leap with excitement all at the same time. She slowly opened the box- unsure of what to expect- secretly hoping it was the beautiful plastic necklace she still had dreams about. She opened it and sat stunned, in complete disbelief, and looked around to see if this was some kind of a joke.

At that moment, her father came from behind the corner and wrapped his arms around her tightly from behind. Her eyes filled with tears. He grabbed the stunning, perfect, shiny, and even more beautiful pearl necklace from it's velvety home and put the necklace around her neck. He spun her around to see it on her for the first time, and as he did, his eyes filled with tears. After a moment, he knelt down to his daughter. He looked her in the eyes and said, "My beloved daughter, I saw your desire for your plastic necklace, but I already had plans far greater for you. I had already planned to give you this beautiful pearl necklace- when it was time. It is worth much more than the plastic necklace. I love you, my beautiful girl. I'm sorry if I hurt you by saying no, but even though you had no idea, my yes was of far greater value than my 'no'. I love you." Then he kissed her on the forehead.

Ps- I'd love your comments/ critiques... I'm thinking of extending the story a bit more and putting more detail...

Writer's Block....

Dear Bloggerverse,

I know this sounds lame- especially after my prolongued abscence from your lives over the last few months. The thing is, things that may seem unusual or crazy are my norm... so... if you want to hear more witty banter from this lovely lady, I need to know what you want to hear about. If I know people want to hear about xy or z I can easily think up something cool to write... otherwise.. I'm a bit at a loss of what to tell you all about...So, with this... please comment on my blog and let me know what you might like to hear about so that I may then write for you. My facebook has kinda become my daily blog type thing... but... let me know what you want details on, and I shall deliver!:)

-Michelle

Georgie and Lessons Learned

Today was quite a day. Well, let's start from the beginning and I'll tell you what I mean...

I woke up after a TON of really terrible nightmares just really not wanting to have another day. I honestly can't remember anything much except for an epic ice cream feast, but I was never satisfied with it. Pretty sure I know what that part means... I miss ice cream. I avoided the mint chocolate chip though, which meant its wasn't from my favorite place in Tenerife;) I remember something about being chased and something about being responsible for a small child, but that's most of my dreams. Something last night really struck a chord with me- it wasn't good. As I sat thinking about it earlier I almost busted into tears. Something wasn't good or right in the dream. I'm a bit intuitive, so dreams can really either make my day or mess it up. Often, dreams are indicative of the way things are going with either me or a loved one. I woke up knowing something wasn't right, but that's not the way I wanted to start my Monday. I was out sick on Friday and I really just wanted to hit the ground running strong this morning, not thrown off. Instead of slumping around, I wound up just saying a little prayer. I honestly don't remember much about it- I was still 1/2 asleep, but I asked God to just be with me today. Not for a great day, not for this or this or this, just that he'd be with me.

I got up to work and normally I'm not too happy when I get there. I roll out of bed, pull myself together and get up there just in time to be 'on time'- sometimes unsuccessfully. Today I was meant to go to our weekly meeting, but my body just wasn't having it- it was telling me I was still exhausted, so I let myself sleep a little longer. I got up JUST in time today. I got up to work and found myself... tired, but happy. I've hit a wall lately where I just don't feel especially helpful. I've been having a hard time finding joy in my work, thus giving others a little bit of attitude. Sorry for anyone at the end of that- it wasn't personal. I've just been a mess. Between being sick and personal struggles, the past month has been a whirlwind. Today would've been no different, but it was...

Things just seemed better... I would say I can't explain it, but I think I can. God was with me. All day long. Things at work honestly...SUCKED... things were a mess from the weekend. I was still frustrated, but not really angry. Just sad that things haven't worked out right and frustrated, but not angry like normal. God helped me address issues to some people with more grace than normal- more patience and willingness to keep an even head. I just... honestly I just felt like God was really making today what it was. There was time during work that I could be a little silly with my co-worker researching potential Christmas presents for a friend, chatting it up with my wonderful day worker Habi and just enjoying reception, but also lots of work got done... it was refreshing. I left knowing I got things done but I enjoyed my day. JOY came to me:)

It didn't stop there. I felt led to do something tonight, that I won't put into detail cuz it's kinda a secret, but a friend was under a lot of pressure today and I felt the need to just go and pray for her for a while. I'm still not sure of the result, but I'm sure he was all over it. I had an idea of how I wanted that to go, but it turned into me praying for them instead of being there supporting them physically... I can't explain it, but I really did feel that's why I was there...took me about 10 minutes to realize it, but once I did, it was really cool:)

Then, I had dinner(yummy fish and chips), got my hair trimmed up real nice(it's getting so long!) and then I was on my way to my room around 7pm. I was thinking 'wow... a whole evening to myself.. what shall I do?' Yes- sometimes I speak in ye olde English to myself;) Before I even put my key in the lock, I knew what I was going to do. I turned around and went straight down to the ward. Now, 7pm isn't TECHNICALLY visiting hours, but I know that by then dinner is over. The main reason we are to come between 7:30-8:30 is because the patent's personal visitors come from 6:30-7:30, and it kinda busts into their time if you come early. But tonight, I popped down to see if it was okay. I went to A ward first where I met up with my sweet boy Yaya who was  cutting something up, a new kiddo who LOVES making paper chains- the ward was COVERED in them- definitely adds a certain flare to the space:), and my sweet baby Mamadou, who is the brother of Aicha who is a patient. I just love this little one. We've grown to love each other- he just lights up each time I come to hang out with him.  This is where things started coming to mind...

I was holding my sweet boy and just messing around playing with him when his mama, sister and some others on the ward just started talking rapid fire and laughing hysterically. The thought crossed my mind, "Are they talking about me?" Then I began to think about it... I have choices... I could storm out in assumption they are and let that be that.... nothing of course being solved as I have 0 clue what they were actually talking about, or I could just keep going on. It made me think of Jesus. He KNEW what people were saying, yet he loved the people SO much that he just kept on going and loving them despite what they said. Really in all honesty, what they were saying probably had NOTHING to do with me, but these thoughts creep in from time to time.

Then I went over to B ward. I saw my sweet George. George was in traction for weeks and weeks, meaning his legs needed to be suspended and pulled by weights for a certain number of hours a day to re-adjust his hips to the right rotation for him to have surgery. Last week I was told he was ready for surgery for Friday. He was in the ICU for a couple days- probably just to control his pain and keep him comfortable more than anything, so I wasn't allowed to see him. Yesterday I went to see him, but he was really upset. He wanted something, but I couldn't figure out what it was for a long time. Once I did, it was time for me to leave. I left hoping someone would get him his book shortly thereafter, but not knowing if he'd get it or fall asleep out of frustration first. Today, I walked in and a nurse said, "Is George your befriend-a-patient" and I said, "No... I just like to visit him from time to time". Then she said, "Well great- we're doing a craft- do you want to help him with his?" Here's where the next lesson began...

Georgie(as I affectionately call him... sometimes Georgie Porgie) was given a balloon to work on(the first smile I've seen of him since Thursday), as I worked on assembling the rest of the 'mobile'- made of popsicle sticks, string and pipe cleaners with balloons attached to the bottom. He tried and tried and tried to get the balloon inflated. He got it semi-inflated after a few extremely strained tries, which made me smile because it was so cute, but I offered help. He stubbornly shook his head 'no!' each time I offered to help and kept trying. I started cheering him on instead of resisting him. He'd get the balloon inflated, then try to find a way to close the opening to keep the air in, but each time he was unsuccessful. Eventually I took the balloon from him and he threw a FIT. I gave him a blue balloon, but he wanted his red one back... he did NOT want the blue... I'd already tied the red and he threw it as far as his little arms would let him and resisted the blue. I walked away for 1 minute to go get another red balloon in hopes it'd calm him, but he was on to the blue. I slipped the red into my pocket, realizing he'd moved on. But the blue was just too hard for him to blow up. After a few struggled tries, he looked up at me with his sweet little eyes and was begging me with them to blow it up. We don't speak the same language after all- our facial expressions are our language:) I kept saying that I couldn't blow up his blue one because he'd slobbered all over it, but I went to get another one. One was too hard for me to blow up(which wasn't part of the lesson- so omit it, but I grabbed a new blue one, he let me blow it up and we completed the mobile. His face lit up. I tried hanging it up and he freaked out and demanded he hold it instead of hang it up.... he was so happy when I surrounded him with the balloons and he was blowing the new red one up too. That's where I left him for the evening.

Now, this is what came to my mind as this was happening... I was thinking how much I'm like Georgie. How much I want to be in control of my own life. How much I want to be the one doing everything and controlling the result. Yeah, things don't always go great, but I try again and again until I get it. But the whole time, I have a loving Father looking at me saying, "Oh Michelle, just let me help you, sweetie! Come on.. okay.... keep trying.. YOU CAN DO IT! COME ON MICHELLE!! Oh.. and it didn't happen again... come on.. let me help..." But, I'm too stubborn. He's been working on this great thing for me that I'm going to LOVE in the end, but all I can focus on is this little bit- the balloon-  that I can't seem to get right. If I would just ask Him for some help, he wouldn't do it FOR me, but he'd show me how to do it- he'd get me through it and in the end he'd give me something I just love.

My Georgie
Photo Cred. to Deb Louden

Every time I mess up, I get frustrated and throw a fit. Every time I lose something that I thought was going to be a part of my life, I lose it- so upset as to why it's not anymore- why something I thought was going to be instrumental is gone. Why relationships I'd formed are suddenly dissolving, why lessons I'd thought I'd learned are re-surfacing, why I feel like I'm still an infant but by the world's standards I should be walking without much help by now.. Things I'd hoped disappear.

The verse 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick' has been on my heart a lot lately... so many hopes I've had over the last few months have just disappeared into nothingness- most of the time without anyone even knowing they existed but me. This is true that it does make the heart sick, but we're not in this alone. Every time I feel overwhelmed and just at odds, I remember I have someone that's there for me even when every single one of my 'people' let me down. I see friends of mine going through serious trials and I think, "wow... how do you even get up in the morning without knowing that someones got your back". And yes- even while watching my TV shows, I notice how empty people's lives are and I think... man...if only you looked deeper and not to each other, but to God who is the only one who will never let you down... Isn't that great? I love it:) It's what makes a terrible day worth seeing through because no matter what has happened, God is still there. Jesus still wraps his arms around me and comforts me. I am too stubborn to accept it sometimes, but he's ALWAYS there... Thank God.

My Support Video

Check out my support video!:) It was made for my church, but goes out to all of you :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_EQeftUncc&fb_source=message

To donate go here: http://mercyships-us.donorpages.com/crewmates/cristionm/

The Little Things...

My mom called the other night and we were chatting about Jordan's school. She then shared this story, which totally made my day. Kids say things that they don't realize can really impact others, but boy do they...

My mom was with Jordan at Back to School night. He's in KINDERGARTEN now- can you believe it?!!?!?  She went over to his desk and said, "Oh, Jordan, that drawing is BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait to hang it up in the house". He looks up at my mom and says ,"No, Nana, we're going to sent that to Shell in the mail!!"

Is that not the sweetest thing EVER? He's 5 and thought of sending something to me, which I know he knows I LOVEEE:)

The Best. Brings a smile to my face even when I'm sick:)

Stop... movie time....

I thought while I'm laid up I might as well try to offer you guys a bit of a fun post.

For those wondering- I came down with some pretty severe headaches starting about 10 days ago, with them getting markedly worse around 1 week ago and were on and off bad until Monday, when it just got really bad. I woke up thinking I wasn't feeling great because it was, well, Monday... I hate mornings and I hate Mondays especially when I have to be up in the morning...:) But this Monday, I not only was exhausted after a very restful weekend, but had a splitting headache paired with nausea and stomach pain... OH and I was supposed to start training a new receptionist.... bad timing, right?

I've been forced into bed rest with some pretty strong drugs, which still havent gotten rid of the pain, unfortunately, and the only thing my body really allows me to do is watch things on my laptop. A few times, I haven't even been able to do that, but for the last couple days I've been able to. I thought I'd be back to work by now, but each time I try to think about going back, my body tells me otherwise... so... I thought I'd tell you about some of the fun movies I've watched:)

First(once I gave up on watching Grey's 24/7- a night the internet was really slow), I watched THE GOONIES!! I've only seen it twice before but I LOOVEE the Goonies! SO Classic. I do, however, have a problem with the way it's advertised. Most would see the cover and rating and say, "wow.. what looks like a great KIDS film.." Oh boy could it be any more misleading.... the language alone could make that movie way outta line for any kid, but also the innuendos and the violence... dannng is it not appropriate. It's a scary movie for kids and I don't think kids need to hear all the language- we all know how kids love to latch on to new and strange words... hm. It's a really fun adventure movie though.:)

The next day, I watched The Spiderwick Chronicles. Super fun movie!!! I mean... anything with Mary Louise Parker is pretty much top notch in my book- she's one of my favorite actresses- but this movie really captures the imagination. It's about a mom who takes her kids to a home one of her family members left to her. One of the kids discovers a book that tells all about the different creatures that live in the woods, but by discovering the book, he unleashes a whole realm of fairies  both good and evil. The evil are after the book and will stop at nothign to get it. I guess for kids it might be a bit scary- with goblins and such, but I had a lot of fun watching it! :)  I didn't see anything else wrong with the movie other than the scary parts and some talk of the parents splitting because of some of the father's poor choices.

Then, I started Meet the Robinsons. I thought the beginning was super cute and fun, but once you meet the family- the movie lost me and I turned it off... WAYY too confusing for me...

Hulu started working again(WE HAVE HULU THIS YEAR!!!!) So I got sucked back into the world of Grey's. Now, some of you might wonder what I think is so great about Grey's. In the beginning, Grey's was okay, but not great-lots of very superficial and surface-level characters, who I hope woudn't exist in real life. The thing I liked in the beginning were the individual plots- the patients mostly. They were always pretty great in my book- interesting and kept you on the edge of your seat.... or kept the tears flowing. As the seasons have gone on, however, I've found the creators have become pure masterminds. They've made these characters very real and very 3 dimensional. They've made lives for them and given them sheer depth(most of the time). You love to see how they react to this situation or that and how they cope with this kind of patient or this life problem, who they fall in love with, etc. Defiantly not all realistic, but it's fun. They all kinda become family to you after a while... you grow to love them. With that being said, a peeve I have of the creator is that they love to bring in new characters and make you fall in love with them, then they kill them off... REALLY?!?!? That's so not real life. Not that I want them to kill any of my beloved main characters, which they've done enough already, but... just saying.. really?

Then tonight, I was able to watch 'We Bought A Zoo'. I had started watching it a while back with some of my kiddos, but we didn't get to finish it, let alone get 30 minutes into it:) Now, it's yet another movie that I'm not sure is really a kid movie- they advertise it as such, but its' got quite a lot of language and innuendo... I guess it depends on who the kid is and how much they understand... but it is a FANTASTIC movie... like.. truly well done. The last scene caught me off guard and made me BAWL... anyone else? Beware- it gets you. I felt a little bit crazy but held onto hope that i"m not the only one who bawled:)

So.. that's how I've been spending my sick days... hoping to move into the book realm soon as the headaches hopefully taper off. I've been given off until Monday. It's a ship holiday, so I would've had Friday off anyway, but I think all of this is a sign to take it easy and to let my body heal slowly but surely. Saturday I may try to get to the orphanage that I had the joy of going to last week- so amazing- probably 15 little ones- mostly under the age of 4 and just so wonderful and full of life. 1 is being adopted by a family in the states!!  A wonderful joy that I hope I get to experience for weeks and weeks to come:)